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Normalizing Grief

“Grief does not change you. It reveals you. “

Let’s talk about grief, my darlings. As we all know, there are many different types of grief that have nothing to do with the death of an actual person. Grief encompasses the ending of many things; however, in today’s blog I will be going over some pointers to help you to normalize the grief you feel when someone has died.

Let’s first start with the obvious. Despite the fact that there are many organizations that are considered death positive, we overwhelmingly live in a death phobic culture. We see it all around us- from the boardrooms to the beauty industry. We can also see the stoicism that some people display despite them having newly experienced what may have been a devastatingly tragic death of a loved one.

Why? Well… we can probably state the obvious: grief can be seen as a taboo topic. How can we shift that mindset? By being open and discussing loss and the emotions that come along with it. Grief can be isolating, and talking about grief openly can make people feel less alone.

Removing expectations for your grief is helpful as well. I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying that everyone grieves differently. Essentially, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What works for one person may not for another. What we are looking at here are societal expectations that really do not serve us in the long run. Neither do self-imposed expectations. Allowing for your own individual process to unfold naturally is the key!

You know how we sometimes do things that make us feel uncomfortable because we don’t want someone else to feel uncomfortable? Grief is another area where we see this play out. Remember, you do not have to hide your pain or pretend to be okay. As a matter of fact, being authentic about your own grief actually normalizes it and invites deeper connection with others. Masking your grief to make others feel uncomfortable does not help or serve anyone!

I’ve often said that healing is like a rollercoaster ride. It’s a journey filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It certainly has it’s ups and downs to say the least. But the thing that is key is to give yourself grace when emotions resurface and reminding yourself that grief is not linear.

Since everyone does grief differently, and grief is not linear, it’s time we ditch the timelines. The truth of the matter is that there is no “right” amount of time to grieve. What is called for here is patience! Be patient with yourself and others as healing takes time, and that is okay!

Don’t tell yourself, “I should be over this by now” or minimize your feelings. All your emotions are valid and deserve the space to exist and be felt. Anger, sadness, guilt, regret, relief, joy- these are all part of the process. Avoid gaslighting your own grief. Remember, grace and no judgement!

Here is one of my favorites: cancel plans when you need to. Grief can be overwhelming, especially for highly sensitive people. If there is anything we’ve learned given the times we are living, and the immense collective grief we are experiencing, is that it is perfectly okay to prioritize your mental health and well-being by stepping back when needed. What other people think is there business and none of yours!

One of the hardest things to do, especially if you consider yourself to be the go-to person, the fixer, is simply to be without fixing. I know, that’s a difficult one for some of us, and it is a skillset that takes practice. While we may believe that grief needs solutions, it doesn’t. Grief needs acknowledgement. Sometimes, just sitting with someone and listening can mean the most!

It’s also important to honor the loss no matter how “big” or “small.” Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a pet, or a dream, your grief is valid. Every loss deserves to be acknowledged and honored. Remember, allow yourself grace!

While grief has no timeline, and it’s not linear, it also doesn’t just vanish. On the contrary, grief evolves over time. For me personally, I feel that time has allowed me to grow more expansive and therefore have the capaciousness to hold my grief and joy. Allowing room for people to talk about their loved ones down the road is a sign of love, not lingering pain!

The last, and very important, factor for normalizing grief is to seek support from friends, family or professionals. Advocate for therapy as a helpful tool. Joining a support group or therapy can provide tools and community for navigating your grief. Normalize asking for help!

I hope you find these pointers useful, and I encourage you to share them as you see fit. These too are conversation starters that can, and will, pave the way to better facilitate having conversations around death and dying and one’s mortality. Let’s be the change and shift the way death is viewed and spoken about with our friends and family!

I also encourage you to reflect on everything you just read and perhaps do a little journaling. Check in with your body. Take a few deep, slow breaths. Feel your connection to the earth. What feelings are you experiencing in your body right now? What are you grieving?

If you would like more resources, visit http://www.goingwithgrace.com

Much gratitude for your time and presence, and remember to be the light, spread the love, and be a blessing.

Sending Full Moon blessings your way! JT Carricarte

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Doula-ing 101

“The best thing we can do for the people we love is to get comfortable with our own feelings.” Rachael Wolff

Greetings, darlings!

So here we are, at the start of our Mortali-tea Conversations with, Yours Truly. If you missed my previous blog, Hello Again, please check it out so you can be brought up to speed on what I’ve been up to in my 2+ year hiatus / sabbatical from blogging and know how to prep for this read.

In that blog, I mentioned how most of us, whether we realize it or not, have been “doula-ing” in one way or another. The role of an end of life doula is not as well known as a birth doula. According to Siri, an end of life doula is “a non-medical companion who provides holistic, personalized support to individuals and their families as they navigate the end-of-life journey. They offer emotional, spiritual, education, advocacy, and respite to both the dying person and their loved ones. Unlike medical professionals, they focus on the person’s wishes and feelings, helping to empower them and their families to make informed choices to ensure a dignified, meaningful death experience.”

Upon reading that, you may wonder: who, what, when, where and why? And I am here to rewind all of that, break it all down and fill in the missing pieces. You see, an end of life doula is so much more and so nuanced than what good old Google provides.

You see, an end of life doula does not only work with the dying and their family. They may even work with people who aren’t even sick or given a diagnosis but have a fear around death, so they work with a doula to address those concerns via a number of ways. More on that later though as so much falls under the umbrella of being an end of life doula. While the role of a death doula is one that is developing in modern society, it actually comes from ancient times.

Remember when I told you to make yourself a cup of tea, or grab something to drink, something to write with, paint, draw or voice record? Well, now may be the time to do so if you haven’t already done so.

Here’s your first assignment: After reading the definition of a death doula, and given any experiences you’ve had around death, dying, a hospice worker or doula, how would you define the role of a death doula? Keep in mind that, as with all things workplace related, a title is one thing and the “role” a person plays is another. One may wear different hats. Keep that in mind as you give yourself about 10 minutes or so to answer the question.

How would you define the role of a death doula was a very powerful exercise we were asked to do the first day of our Going with Grace training. I was part of a cohort of 44 beautiful humans, and we could not repeat the same answer. We went round and round until we felt we had exhausted what we felt was the role of a doula. So here’s what we came up with:

Space holder; presence; calm; lean in; holder; sacred; curiosity; ancestors; awareness; threshold; educator; grace; protecting space; witness; connection; magician; steward; kindness; care work; companion; joining; sacred seeker; open-hearted; patience; support; compassion; advocate; trust; alchemist; co-creator; boundaries; genuine; facilitator; channel; essential; community; normalcy; exploration; reverent; acceptance; empowerment; divine; acknowledgement; confidant; awe; resource; synthesizer; accompaniment; bridge; guide; navigator; foundation; pillar of community; portal; ritualist; vessel; active listener; oneness; mourner; peacemaker and waymaker.

What did you come up with? As you can probably tell, the role, tasks and expectations of what it means to be an end of life doula are wide, varied and vastly unique. And as you have probably concluded by now, our gifts, talents, lived experiences, likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses also come into play.

This would be a good time for you to reflect and perhaps write about experiences or people whom you have supported through the dying process or served as a caregiver through a grave illness. How did it make you feel? If you are currently a caregiver of a friend or family member, how are you caring for yourself?

How comfortable are you around the topic of death, dying and your personal relationship with death?

How comfortable are you facilitating different conversations and navigating the emotions that accompany them? Are you able to list some examples?

Would you be able to carry out someone’s final wishes even if they are contrary to your own?

I think these questions and reflections are a good way to start dabbling in a conversation with your Self, and others, and lay the foundation for future topics and inquiry around all things related to our own mortality.

Thank you for taking the time to read and maybe even explore some of the above questions. I invite you to continue revisiting them over the next few weeks. Be gentle with yourself, and see what arises!

Much gratitude for your time and presence. Please feel free to leave comments and share of you feel called to do so.

BE the light, spread the love and be a blessing!

Sending New Moon Blessings your way! JT Carricarte

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Hello Again!

“Whoever you are

and whatever helps

I hope today is a day you are finding

the softest way through.” Andrea Gibson

Darlings…it’s me, and I’m back!

I am not sure where to start other than I guess a recap of the last two years since my last blog post, Moving on…Rest and Nourishment, back in March 2023. What a ride it has been! One filled with sacred practices, stillness, quietude, hibernation, rest, nourishment, letting go of burdens not mine to carry, and much discernment with regards to certain people, circumstances or situations I’ve had to let go of because they were no longer serving me or aligned with my values around non-violence, accountability, justice, integrity, dignity, compassion, equal rights, equity, and overall respect for humanity and the very real lived experiences of others. Darlings, sometimes we just have to give ourselves the grace of letting go and release anything or anyone that disrupts our peace and well-being. And we can do so in love! Personally, doing so has created a lot of spaciousness, expansiveness and clarity around how I want to live out my remaining days on this planet.

These past couple of years have also brought some very interesting people, teachers, facilitators and opportunities into my life. Having said all that, I have definitely kept my people close! There’s nothing like being in community with like-minded individuals who are also committed to “doing the work,” as well as putting good medicine out there into the world by sharing one’s gifts and talents in an effort to help raise collective consciousness, helping to heal humanity and the evolution of planet earth. Celebrating friend’s successes, supporting one another and watching dreams come to fruition is also an important part of the process. It’s always important to celebrate milestones along the way!

If you read the March 2023 blog, you’ll know I was focusing on my word that year, which was “nourish…” all things mind, body and spirit. It was much needed too because I had a big move at the time and decided to live at the beach. It was something that was NOT on my radar. I mean I was spending lots of time in my little crash pad but never entertained the thought of doing it full time. It was one of THE BEST decisions I’ve ever made, and also allowed me to cut my expenses greatly by not maintaining another apartment which I was rarely at.

In addition to my usual travels to Florida and Texas, I also got to go to Ghost Ranch, in New Mexico, in September 2023 for a writer’s and rest retreat offered by one of my beloved teachers, Tracee Stanley. She is the best selling author of two books: Radiant Rest and The Luminous Self and the founder of the on-line community, Empowered Life Circle which I have been a member since its inception. Finally getting to meet her in person and being in community with her was a dream come true! It is also where I was honored to have Tracee shave my head our last night together (talk about letting go…more on that another time.)

It was an intimate 11 person retreat that allowed for beautiful friendships to form as we supported each other’s writings, dreams, creativity, shared rest practices and beautiful meditations and conversations. We truly bonded and keep in touch. We set up a weekly call to serve as a writing container, and whomever shows up… shows up.

As a result, I ultimately submitted a book proposal. I only sent it to one agent, but she had to pass because apparently there were a lot of proposals out there dealing with all things mind, body, spirit and mental health and well-being. I did receive some good feedback though. However, the last thing I want is a job that requires a lot of social media presence, followers, emails, website, etc. On the contrary, I look for ways to regularly limit my time and disconnect from social media for a month here and there throughout the year. If I want to publish a book, it will have to be self-published. It is what it is!

Another, long awaited and dreamed about opportunity is when I found Alua Arthur who is an End of Life Death Doula, the founder of Going with Grace and best selling author of Briefly Perfectly Human. I really don’t know how I came across her TED Talk in 2023, but I instantly fell down the “all things Alua” rabbit hole! Training to become an end of life doula had been a dream of mine for a long time and a role I have played throughout my life (most of us have without even realizing it). If you’ve read some of my older blogs, you will know that I’ve had an intimate, up close and personal relationship with death since I was a little girl. And having had a near death experience back in 2012 further cemented that relationship and desire. That dream came true as I traveled last year to Arizona for the in-person training last year.

I think that seed may have been planted back in 2008. There was this Hospice worker named Nick whom I met when my mama was at the end of her life, and he impacted me greatly, as did the publication he gave me- Crossing the Creek– which assists family and the person coming to the end of their life to understand the dying process and what the body goes through mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually in preparation for dying. If you google it, you will see the author made it a free, downloadable PDF. I cannot even begin to tell you how many people I have shared Crossing the Creek with over the past 17 years, the meaningful conversations I’ve had and the much needed conversations that have been facilitated as a result of sharing it (mini doula at work). Sharing is caring!

The last few years have found me deepening my meditation practice by way of daily Yoga Nidra practices. Who knew that Yoga Nidra practices could be so revealing, restoring, nourishing, enlightening, restful, relaxing and how they, too, prepare you for death. Being in that liminal space, that portal, that void, gives you a sense of clarity as well as a multitude of opportunities for inner investigation, awakening, growth and transformation. One is more present to life (and death), and allows us to move with intentionality and purpose. The practices allow us to remember who we are, why we are here and our inextricable connection to the natural world. I have learned, and remembered, so much being part of the Empowered Life Circle online community! And I’ve met so many beautiful souls. Needless to say, these practices have also allowed me to stay rooted, grounded and resourced especially during these challenging and heartbreaking times we are living.

Full transparency here: I do not know where on Instagram I found the following passage, but I just came across it as I was rereading some things from the beginning of 2025 that I had written. It’s unlike me not to cite who or where I saw it….guess I never planned on sharing it until now. It pretty much speaks to how I rolled into 2025, and I’m certain it will resonate for many of you- especially if you are a highly sensitive person:

“My heart no longer has the capacity to reside in love where only war exists. I will sacrifice my pleasure to keep my peace. The standard of safety within my mind, body, heart and spirit are non-negotiable. I vow to never jeopardize the degrees of healing I’ve accessed for anything or anyone. Everything is worth losing for me to not lose myself. I am not desperate for company that’s usually draped in the misery, hurt and insanity that took root long before me. I only welcome the presence of ease, health, rest, assurance, respect, appreciation, reciprocity, oneness, gentleness, calmness, laughter, security, freedom and protection. Anything else would be an impure distraction and inflamation to my being. I close all doors that are open that don’t serve the highest good and greatness for all. May I only align with the likeness of all that represents maturity, trust, open communication, honesty, resolution, patience, understanding, empathy, discipline and direction. As I am complete. We are complete.” And so it is, darlings!

So… I entered 2025 with a great deal of clarity, and my word for the year has been “tend.” Yes, I am tending to all things mind, body and spirit and the Tend Collective (tendcollective.co), as well as the Empowered Life Circle, regularly offer up practices to help us do so. Think about this for a moment: If we do not tend to ourself FIRST, how can we show up for others, tend to others, and do the things that life calls us to do?

This recap pretty much brings me to the here and now. Where do I go from here? Allow me a few more moments to tell you…wink, wink!

After the Going with Grace end of life training, which was very intense, hands on, thorough, entailed a lot of research, assignments, as well as loads of deeply profound inner inquiry, holding and bearing witness to other people’s grief, and the fact that we live in such a death phobic culture here in the US, I’ve decided to take on the role of Mortality Conversationalist and do what Maya Angelou always said: “When you learn, teach.” Also, Alua Arthur and the GwG team awakened us to the need for education and awareness around the various roles a death doula plays and the much needed conversations families, medical professionals, health care systems, and individuals should be having around one’s own mortality.

Can you believe there are doctors and medical professionals who do not even know the difference between palliative care and hospice? And that they are 2 extremely and tragically underutilized services? And that it some cases, these services, that can be offered up to a year or longer before a person dies, are often not recommended until a mere few weeks or month before a person dies? That’s for another conversation!

Moving forward, my goal is to offer up Mortali-tea with your very own Mortality Conversationalist in the form of perhaps a twice monthly blog post. I suggest you prepare some tea (or beverage of choice), have some snacks on hand as well as a journal or sketch pad and your favorite writing or drawing instruments before tuning in to read the next post. Writing is a somatic practice that is so damn good for the nervous system, but if your choice is to type in your notes or use voice record for your answers, that’s OK too. Your choice, my darlings! Just know there will be a host of opportunities, inquiry, resources and book recommendations for you to delve into and explore your own relationship to all things related to death and dying and sometimes with some much needed humor sprinkled in. That is a very empowering thing!

I will leave you with one tidbit in the form of a question that Alua Arthur encourages us to ask ourselves everyday, and that is:

“What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?”

Sit. With. That.

Till next time!

BE the light, spread the love and be a blessing!

Much gratitude for you taking the time to read my musings and even sharing when you feel called to do so. Oh, and Full Moon Blessings to you! xoxo JT Carricarte

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Moving on…Rest and Nourishment

“Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.” Linda Hogan

Greetings, darlings!

It has been exactly 4 months since my last blog!

If you read my last one from November 2022, you then know that I was in the middle of moving and on a 3 month constant cycle of purging, donating, giving away, packing and moving whatever was left into storage. All this while also traveling for weeks at a time. The good thing is that those getaways were built in rest periods…much needed rest periods given I’m not 25 anymore…wink, wink.

Whew! So where have I been and what have I been doing? Resting…..focusing on my 2023 word: Nourish….all things mind, body and spirit. And the good thing is that I closed out the year having moved and ready for more travel, visits with family, lots of pet therapy, and added rest and nourishment for which I am so blessed to be able to do and eternally grateful to have the time to do it.

I am enjoying basking in the sun, reading, rest practices like yoga nidra, lots of guided meditations, restorative and yin yoga, catching up on some shows, movies and podcasts, and even taking a social media break. I’ve also been listening to a lot of sound baths.

Sometime in the fall I came across the word nourish, and it delighted me. Right then and there I decided that it would be my word for 2023 ( given the “great move” that I was undertaking). I also spent a lot of time connecting with my ancestors for guidance, support and clarity. And speaking of support, here’s a shout out to the many friends who showed their love by showing up for me on numerous occasions, hauling plastic bins, boxes, clothing, shoes, furnishing, etc, etc….and did I mention feed me? Yep, they made sure I. was well fed through the process. Those who were unable to lend a hand held me, prayed for me, chcecked in on me, lent an ear and consoled me through the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing. I am so humbled and so very grateful!

I am also thankful a friend recommended College Hunks for Hire to move some of the heavier pieces into storage. Can I tell you how great, efficent, pleasurable and kind they were? I especially love that they have a partnership with U.S. Hunger, which supplies 2 nutritional meals to families in need for every move or junk removal they complete.

I like to chat people up ( suprise, suprise?) so, I ended up in beautiful conversations with the 3 young men…one in particular stood out. This young man, who was under 20 by the way, possesses the ability to “read” people. We chatted about being an empath, chanelling, owning his gift and then I shared some resources with him. As he was leaving, I asked him what, if anything, about me showed up. Needless to say, he was spot on! Oh, and we also chatted about self-care practices, care of Self, and the importance of connecting with spirit, our ancestors and higher power.

If you know me, follow me or have read some of my blogs, it’s no secret that I am a huge self-care advocate. Like many of you out there, I have learned the hard way. I’ve been brought to my knees and have crashed and burned enough times and, for years now, care of Self is paramount in my life. Needless to say, my post-move has required loads and loads of self-care, rest and nourishment.

I believe that caring for oneself and showering ourselves with loving kindness and compassion is a form of worship- a scared ritual and one that honors the Divine and the miracle that brought us into existence. Establishing rituals or, as I call them, “non-negotiables,” is a way to get clear about our well-being and peace of mind. Given the times we are living and the intense energy that surrounds us, it is imperative that we do whatever we can to ensure that we stay grounded, resourced and centered amidst that chaos that is swirling around us.

As I sat in reflection and was pondering what to include in this blog, I received an email from Dawn DelVecchio. She is known for her work around Sacred Feminine Leadership, runs women’s retreats, and I’ve participated in some of her Return of the Priestess workshops, seminares, etc. She also holds monthly global Prayers for Humanity.

Talk about alignemnt and syncronicities! Can you guess what her email newsletter was about? Well, if you guessed “non-negotiables” then you’re right. I chuckled to myself as I read through the email.

The reason I brought up Dawn is becasue she included some questions for reflection around self-care and establishing / identifying one’s non-negotiables. And…..you know how much I love self inquiry, so I would like to share them with you since caring is sharing in my world. The following questions help us to gain clarity around where we may be out of alignment with our own non-negotiables, body, mind and spirit:

What are my non-negotiables when it comes to my physical vessel; my health and wellbeing? (Be sure to include diet, exercise, nature, relationships and stressors)

What is stressing me out?

How can I shift in order to lower my stress?

What or who do I need less of in my life in order to better support my body’s central nervous system?

What am I consuming mentally on a regular basis?

Am I consuming information and experiences which raise my vibration or lower it?

Where do my thoughts drift to when set free to wander?

Are these thoughts mostly love-based or fear-based?

Where am I mentally picking over something that needs to be jettisoned now, rather than held onto any longer?

Who do I need to forgive or let off the hook?

Who am I holding grievances against? (this can include oneslef)

What is my relationship with my Creator?

Do I commune daily with Spirit? How? When?

What practices help me cultivate this relationship?

Do I feel love and supported by my creator?

Do I feel deeply, “knowing” that I am more that a body and mind journeying though time and space? Or is this still a concept without knowingness for me?

To further quote Dawn DelVecchio, “This question, ‘What are my non-negotiables?’ calls every aspect of our lives into focus for our reflection. From relationships to wellbeing, to how and what we do with our time, now is the time for us to at least explore and consider what has the most meaning and heart for us…and what does not serve us any longer.”

Additional questions around relationship that Dawn poses for us are:

Am I being treated in alignment with love by my spouse/partner and next of kin?

Do my friends support my vision for my life? Are my friendships supportive of growth, creativity and spiritual values/priorities?

Do my relationships share energies of giving and receiving, or is it a 1-way street where one of us does all the giving and the other receives and takes?

Are there any relationships in my life which feel forced or obligatory?

How have past endings supported my own expansion?

Darlings, discernment (my word a few years ago) plays a vital role in helping us with our non-negotiables, wellbeing and peace of mind. I encourage us all to take some time to reflect on all these questions, write about them (or use voice notes if you prefer). Look at it as a way to NOURISH your own mind, body, spirit. Guaranteed you will even build in some rest time for your Self.

Oh, and by the way, if you’re wondering what my non-negotiables are, they are: yoga, prayer, meditation, journaling, a daily gratitude written practice, music/mantra, good nutrition, hydration, play, rest/sleep, meaninful time with friends and nature. All of these help me to stay grounded, resourced, centered, peaceful, loving, compassionate and non-reactive. I am better able to maintain the calm in the chaos and be the change I wish to see in my little corner of the world. I am walking, watching and listening in a deeper way!

Here’s to moving on-however that looks for you- and lots of rest and nourishment!

My pen and journal await…JTC

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Closing Out 2022

“Some people will get mad at you for not being who they want you to be. One of the biggest forms of self betrayal is living your life by their rules instead of your own. Your task is simple: be kind, be real, be humble, keep growing and unapologetically live your best life“

Greetings, darlings!

I think we can all agree that this time of year can leave us exhausted, depleted and wishing the holidays were over before even starting. Life tends to move at rapid speed just about now. As a result, we oftentimes end up resenting everything and everyone in our path to what could be an enjoyable and meaningful holiday season.

I’m tapping into to writer, speaker, and author, Yung Pueblo, for some end of year inspiration to share with you. The opening quote pretty much summarizes a basic truth in life and one we can learn much from, don’t you think?

Keeping our stress in check, setting intentions, setting boundaries and staying grounded can, and will, improve our relationships- personally and professionally- improve our health, and the added bonus is that it will create space for us to enjoy and experience a meaningful end to the year.

And let’s not forget that many people are grieving unimaginable losses right about now, and the holiday season is a source of much added pain, suffering and stress. A lot of that suffering is often directly linked to other people’s expectations or opinions of where they should be along their grief journey.

Feeling resentful, feeling like we have to live up to other people’s expectations, and living by their rules is EXHAUSTING! so why do it? Why permit someone else to be the boss of you? As I’ve said other times, what we permit, we promote.

How about we start promoting a new way of doing the end of 2022? A new way of doing 2023? How about a new way of doing life… on our own terms?

I came across a post from yung pueblo that will radically transform the way you experience the end of year, change the way you show up and move through life, preserve your sanity, inspire you to be your best self, find meaning and joy in whatever it is your doing, AND keep your stress levels at an all time low. Here’s what he has to say:

1 Say no to situations that burn way too much of your energy.

2 Let your intuition guide you, not fears or cravings.

3 Don’t listen to the feeling that you need to perform for others.

4 Surround yourself with people who love the authentic you.

There you have it… plain and simple.

And speaking of the holidays, they are always difficult when you’ve lost someone. And especially difficult is the “first” of any holiday without that person. As adults, we sometimes forget that children and teens grieve too, and it may look very different than the way we are grieving. Overall, grief has it’s own way with each and every individual. It has its own timeline, it’s varied, unpredictable and life-altering.

If you and your family are looking at the “first” holiday without a loved one, I encourage you to check out an older post of mine, Are You Grieving?

In that particular blog, you will find tips for self-care, addressing your activity level, getting support from others, relating to other family members, and ways of continuing the bond with your loved one. As a matter of fact, I may even repost it next.

So…as we’re closing out the year, let’s hit the pause button and re-examine the way we are going about our daily life. What can we tweak? What needs radical changing? What is causing you stress? Do you feel rested or exhausted? And most importantly, are you willing to change the things that aren’t working for you?

What else will you be focusing on for the remainder of 2022?

May you be kind and loving to yourself…always and in all ways! JTC

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Falling into Myself

“Beauty and Strength Come from Within”

This week marks 10 years that the Universe “removed” me from a most toxic work environment. Despite the challenges that followed, I will be forever grateful.

You see, for years leading up to the start of yet another school year in 2012, I felt my soul was getting more and more compromised. My integrity, values, self respect, intentional way of living, being and moving in my world were not in alignment amid that type of work environment where backstabbing and outright meanness, bullying and harassment from “higher ups” was the status quo.

Thankfully, my yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices kept my head above water-barely shall I say- and, unknowingly, prepared me for the journey that lay ahead….especially the physical journey. The irony was that despite being in tune with my body, I was not listening to it. I asked the Universe to intervene- it delivered and, just like that about a week later, I was removed from a place that otherwise would have been the cause for whisking me away in a stretcher or in a body bag that school year.

Fast forward a few weeks later, on the eve of my 54th birthday, and I almost died on the operating table (amidst cursing and screaming as per my surgeon), as I lay there for 7 hours getting put back together again. I had several out of body (near death experiences) immediately after my surgery due to my horrifically low blood pressure and blood loss. In total, I had to get 5-6 units of blood. This surgery would also require a future one, which I was in denial about from the onset, until I had no choice but to have it 3 years later. Then another one 4 years after that…all because I wasn’t listening to my body while in that toxic environment where I was working anywhere from 10-15 hour days.

At the time, I was a vice-principal. As I just told you, I was in tune with my body as a result of my yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices, but I wasn’t “listening” to the sounds that were coming from it. Sounds where a simple Google search would have had me running to my orthopedic surgeon mind you!

Looking back now, that “forced” removal brought with it the forced “rest” that comes with physical rehab. The inquiry and inner investigation that came with it was the start of a much needed and overdue rest practice. It was the start of me falling into me.

After 12 years as a VP in such a toxic atmosphere and working with bad behavior ( and in some cases mentally ill higher ups), recovery didn’t come easily. I couldn’t immediately process all of it as I was trying to process WTF happened to me…to my body… what I put it through…and how I was going to get through each day moving forward. Would I ever walk on my own again? Would I get any feeling back in my leg? Would the nerve pain ever subside? Who will help me? I also looked skeletal, and all I could do when I saw my friends was cry. The fact that the end of my career got ripped out from under me didn’t even factor into the equation at this point in time.

It took me years of tears, physical therapy, sadness, self-love, compassion, rest, patience, and tapping into my resilience and inner fortitude to feel it all in order to heal. You know how the saying goes, “You have to feel it to heal it.” It wasn’t until last year, after my last orthopedic surgery and finding myself free of physical pain and debilitation, that I FINALLY started enjoying retirement…only to have another surgery this past June. It was one I had wanted to have done years ago but was consumed with all things orthopedic. If you haven’t read my last two blogs, Doing a Thing and The Heal is Real, you can read about my elective surgery.

Thanks to one of my beloved teachers, Tracee Stanley, and her online portal, the practice of Yoga Nidra has played a VITAL role in the quality of my life, rest, healing, presence, discernment and intentionality over the past couple of years. These practices and habits have also helped me to eradicate the word “busy” from my vocabulary. If you know me, you know how I loathe that word!

We all know the saying about time being our most valuable currency, and we should be very discerning about how we choose to spend it. Of late, I have been looking at time as a function of mindful moments where I choose to be 100% present. No multitasking allowed…wink, wink. Not even something as simple as talking on the phone and doing something else. I try my best to give my full attention to the person or the activity I am engaged in. In retrospect, I think that my 2022 word, spaciousness, has been a game changer. It’s allowed me to explore ways to create more space, fluidity and awareness.

Being aware, fully rested, grounded, rooted, and resourced has gifted me with the magic of presence . Over the years, I’ve evolved into a human BE-ing rather than a human DO-ing. And I really owe it all to my rest practices; both the forced ones from years ago and the ones I’ve cultivated with teachers like Tracee Stanley and Octavia Raheem. Tracee’s book, Radiant Rest, Yoga Nidra for Deep Relaxation and Awakened Clarity as well as Octavia’s book, Pause Rest Be: Stillness Practices for Courage in Times of Change, have also been game changers! I know this may sound crazy, but these books and rest practices have gifted me with more time, space, creativity, clarity, discernment, intuition and grace. Now THAT is the power of rest!

What we have all put our bodies through in this toxic culture of productivity and 24/7 connectedness is mind blowing! Stop and think about it for a moment. No wonder our bodies have been broken down, why we’ve been brought to our knees, developed diseases from all the dis-ease in our bodies and perhaps even live in a state of depression and/or anxiety. I encourage you all to take the time to determine where your life is out of balance, what needs to change, who or what you need to let go, what you want to call in and what areas of your life are in need of deep healing.

Have you been listening to your body?

How do you tune in to your inner GPS?

Are you numbing yourself so you don’t have to feel and, if so, in what ways?

What is your relationship with loss and grief?

How do you deal with transitions or sudden changes?

In what ways do you care for your inner Self?

As I’ve written in other blogs, September and October have always been difficult months for me due to the many losses that have occurred in those months. As I prepare for yet another big transition, I am able to see that as a result of my mindfulness practices, yoga, meditation, and rest, I find myself in deep gratitude for endings and new beginnings.

I am presently getting ready to move out of a place I’ve called home and have lived in for 12 years. A place I refer to as my Treehouse Oasis because of all the trees outside my windows, the myriad of birds that visit, the high vaulted ceilings, and the peace, serenity and quietude that surrounds it.

As I look back on these 12 years, my Treehouse Oasis has been a refuge of sorts. It’s been a place of sacred ritual and much healing: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It has held me, held endless tears, losses, and grief – welcomed and unwelcome as well as planned and unplanned. Conversely, it has also been a place filled with much love, immense gratitude, celebrations, learning, unlearning, evolving and transformation. And let me not forget REST….for it is the foundation of beauty and strength in my book. My mama was right all those decades ago! Too bad I listen listen back then.

The hardest part will be leaving my close-knit circle of friends, since I will be taking up residence in my little seaside “crash pad” for a while. I know new life experiences, people, adventures and opportunities that will enable me to InspireLoveServe await. Nevertheless, it will be yet another transition I find myself preparing, planning and organizing for during this time of year.

I will be falling into myself yet again. The thing is that I’ve realized falling into oneself is a continuous process of releasing, shedding, becoming, unbecoming, calling in and attracting. It’s a process that, when embraced, fills our hearts with joy, intention and meaning. I admit that I love change, I embrace it and I thrive on it. So…I know that all good things await.

September, the fall season and the darkness that comes with it is a great time to look back, take stock, assess, let go and create space to draw in. I will continue to look back and reflect on these past ten years and connect the dots: see all that had to fall away so that new circumstances, people, places, adventures, beauty and blessings could come in. I am steeped in deep gratitude for all of it and, along the way, I will be planting some new seeds this autumn.

What seeds are you planting this autumn?

How do you want your life to evolve?

What do you need more of?

What do you need less of?

Where is your energy best spent?

Darlings, there is no season quite like Autumn! May this season of change bring you a beautiful harvest, abundant blessings, beauty, strength, and space to be still and listen! JTC

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The Heal is Real

“With every breath I take, I am getting healthier and healthier.”

Dear Body,

Keep being beautifully flawed.

Don’t strive to be anything but what you are in your healthiest, happiest state.

You deserve to feel celebrated.

You have done so much for me, and I vow to love you a little more everyday that I have the gift of waking up.

You are a sexy force of nature.

Thank you

I came across this beautiful piece on instagram a couple of weeks after my explant surgery ( you may want to check out my previous blog, Doing a Thing, if you haven’t already perused it- it will explain it all). Dear Body truly spoke to my soul. Unfortunately, I have no idea who wrote it, but it was not me.

As a matter of fact, my last blog was the day before my surgery, and here it is 3 months post-op and already feeling like a million bucks! I have not blogged since then for a number of reasons. It’s not that I wasn’t writing, because I pretty much journal every day. Primarily though, I just wanted to focus of my post-explant healing.

There is a saying in the explant community, The Heal is Real. In all honesty, I was a little skeptical and unsure about that pre-op. Let me tell you now that I’m on the other side- and I’ll shout it off the mountain tops- THE HEAL IS REAL!!!

Yep, it sure is!

The hundreds of thousands of women who’ve been sharing their stories on line, and who’ve often been ignored or gaslit by the doctors who do not believe in Breast Implant Inflammation (BII), have been coming out in droves. Thanks to the internet, YouTube, blogs and social media platforms, women have been telling their stories, sharing pre and post-op pics – some actually show pictures of their removed capsules and implants- and even surgeons are speaking out and sharing pictures of these “toxic bags.”

And toxic bags they are. You should see some of the pics…mold, discoloration, particles floating in them….yikes! As a matter of fact, some surgeons have stopped doing implants altogether and are speaking out about the dangers of breast implants and BII. My…..we’ve come a long way, baby!

Within the first week of my surgery, my energy level was through the roof. If you know me, you know I have a lot of energy to begin with. Let’s just say it has gotten enhanced… wink, wink. My joint inflammation decreased- to the point where I have zero inflammation in one of my knees which was perpetually inflamed for years. Furthermore, the osteoarthritis pain in my hands is gone! The icing on the cake thus far is that bloodwork that was done 3 weeks post op shows my thyroid levels are improving!

Grateful….ever so grateful!

I’m keeping this particular blog short and sweet as I basically wanted to do a quick follow up to my last blog. I’ve also been on a social media sabbatical, so I am easing my way back.

Darlings, I encourage us all to read Dear Body over and over again and make a commitment to LOVE ON YOUR BODY (which happens to be the name of a new song by the very talented Londrelle). I highly recommend you listen to it over and over again! Sometimes I even have it on replay when I am showering and doing some self massage.

I am loving on my body and loving by small boobs more than ever!!!!

Grateful…ever so grateful!

Sending you all much love and abundant blessings, JTC

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Doing a Thing…

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom which landed in the valley of change.” Shannon L. Alder

So…I’m doing a thing. Something I’ve been wanting to do for some time. Something I’ve entertained and talked about for years (but have had orthopedic issues which were more pressing and needed tending to). Something I am hoping will improve my health and long-term quality of life. As someone who has always been into health and wellness, I can honestly say that my lifestyle is all about self-care. And at this point in my life, it makes all the sense in the world to do this thing…it’s been overdue.

Back when I was 40 years old- probably in a place of not really knowing my Self and my worth- I was into heavy weight training, spin classes, aerobics, kick-boxing, step and all things related to body image and achieving that perfect “balance” in body physique. To the dismay of my husband at the time, I got breast augmentation. He could not understand why on earth I would want them because he didn’t feel I needed them. But, you know how vanity and ego work hand in hand. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I did not realize how the beauty industry was such a toxic part of our society and deeply rooted in white supremacy.

Now, 20+ years and several pounds later (and guess where most of THAT weight has gone), I have decided to finally get my breast implants removed. I continue working on dissolution of the ego so, YES, I’m boarding my flight to freedom and landing in the valley of change. If you know me, you know how much I love and embrace change!

As a matter of fact, the explant surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, June 2nd.

If you follow me, you know that I believe sharing is caring, that our stories inspire, educate, and motivate others. It is part of what it means to be human in this web on interconnection. I’m a firm believer in what Maya Angelou used to say, “When you learn, teach.”

So…I am passing along some basic information about Breast Implant Inflammation- otherwise known as BII.You can google it yourself and fall into the rabbit hole- but I’m here to spare you. I just wanted to pass on some info in the event you or someone you know is contemplating getting implants or having them removed.

Disclaimer: all the information regarding BII that follows I got from various sources online.

BII is an informal term that some women — and even some doctors — use to describe a range of unexplained symptoms that women can experience following cosmetic breast augmentation or reconstructive breast surgery with implants. 

Some symptoms may include, but are not limited to:

joint and muscle pain, memory loss, concentration problems, breathing problems, chronic fatigue, sleep disturbance rashes, skin problems, dry mouth, dry eyes, anxiety, depression, migraines, hair loss, gastrointestinal problems, symptoms of EBV, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, Sjogren’s, Fibromyalgia, Lyme, toxic shock …and the list can go on and on.

The symptoms can appear any time after implant surgery — some people develop symptoms immediately, while some develop them years later. A lot of the symptoms of BII are associated with autoimmune and connective tissue disorders, such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and scleroderma. Some people who have BII also get diagnosed with a specific autoimmune or connective tissue disorder, but many do not. In many, but not all cases, surgery to remove the breast implants improves or completely resolves the BII symptoms. BII is not currently recognized as an official medical diagnosis, and there is no diagnosis code for it. It is poorly understood and hasn’t been studied much as a unique condition.

“BII is a cluster of symptoms that don’t fit into any other classic disease diagnosis,” says Diana Zuckerman, Ph.D., president of the National Center for Health Research and a researcher who studies breast implant safety issues. “We believe that it eventually will be recognized as a medical condition, but that process will take time.” Recently, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the major plastic surgery societies, and other health authorities have been devoting more attention to BII than they did in the past.

In May 2019, the FDA released a statement noting that the agency’s officials are “taking steps to better characterize [BII] and its risk factors, and are considering ways to help to ensure women have all of the information they need to make informed decisions about whether to obtain breast implants or to remove existing breast implants in an effort to reverse systemic symptoms.” In October 2019, the agency published a draft of recommendations to implant manufacturers for new labeling for breast implants. The agency advised manufacturers to include information about the risk of systemic symptoms in a boxed warning and in a patient decision checklist that would be included in patient information booklets.

In addition, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons and the Aesthetic Surgery Education and Research Foundation are developing and funding new research on BII. To date, there haven’t been any studies that looked at the number of women with breast implants who develop BII. More women have been reporting BII symptoms to doctors and to the FDA during the last few years, which may be because social media groups and media coverage helped to raise awareness of the condition. Thousands of women have joined online communities related to breast implant illness.

From my personal experience, I can tell you there are thousands of stories, experiences, support, resources and tools on these private social media groups. That is a rabbit hole I found myself falling into once I scheduled my surgery. While these groups are informative, supportive and educational, I decided two weeks ago to just stay off socials as I prep for my surgery. Keeping my nervous system regulated is a daily practice, so I’ll go back on after the fact and share my experience with the group. The members are truly very supportive!

Also, I would highly recommend watching the documentary Explant. As described online, Michelle Visage, a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, author and podcaster, is no stranger to the limelight. And now she adds documentary star to her list of accomplishments with the release of Explant, streaming on Paramount+ Michelle Visage had her breast implants removed after 20 years of unexplained, undiagnosed illness. Now her deeply personal journey is available to the masses, with the hopes of redeeming other women, through Explant.

I found it to be a stellar documentary, so well done, so much research, interviews, internal memos leaked, clips of hearings, lots of history, foul play and press clippings….. It’s definitely worth watching. Had something like this been around back then, I would have NEVER gotten breast implants! If you are contemplating getting implants, please watch this documentary…do your research! If a child, relative or friend is contemplating getting them, recommend the documentary. Hey, I am all for plastic surgery if that is what you want to do or have to do for obvious reasons like post- mastectomy or are transitioning and want to have top surgery. I’m simply a firm believer in being an educated consumer. and knowing your options.

These days, I’m simply not into doing anything that puts my own health at risk anymore. So…I’m hoping that, like scores of other women who’ve had explant surgery, my autoimmune issues may start improving. And if they do, great! If not, it’s still a win-win because I am getting something out of my body that I wish I had never put in.

I’d like to send a shout out to all my supportive friends who are my lifeline…you know who you are, what you do and how you do it! I am truly blessed and infinitely grateful to be surrounded by such loving and badass goddesses, soul sisters and humans who know how to show up and how to rally around you. We are always there for each other because, in the words of my dearest friend Patti, “This is what we do.”

The following affirmation found its way to me, and its timing is perfect:

“I am choosing to commit to myself, my health and my healing. I commit to the practices and actions that help me be clear, centered and grounded. I know that when I take care of myself, everything aligns in my life beautifully.”

See you on the other side!

Infinite love and gratitude, JTC

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Allow Yourself Some Grace

“ Today I choose to think thoughts that will manifest positive results in the future.“

So… I knew I was making a mistake getting a caffeinated tea at 7 AM when I got to NYU for a doctor appointment. I must admit, I wasn’t fully present. Just as I was finishing a text to one of my girlfriends, one of the nurses showed up and started talking to me. The little voice wanted to warn me, but I shut it up, finished my text and engaged in conversation.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I stopped at my local coffee shop, Booskerdoo, for my customary chai latte with oat milk which I always get upon my arrival at the shore. Not good! Not wise! Did I listen? Of course not. I was elated and on a high after getting a great report one year post – knee replacement surgery. Sidenote – the other knee isn’t that great, but it’s been OK and hasn’t been giving me too much of an issue pain wise considering I have osteoarthritis and have complete space loss on weight bearing.

Having my left knee replaced greatly relieved the stress I had put on my other knee for the four years until I had the surgery. Thank you, God!

And speaking of space, which was my 2022 word, here it is five months into the new year, and I’ve had so much of it. I’ve been more intentional, deliberate, diligent, vigilant, and even more discerning as to where, how, when, and with whom I expend my energy.

I’ve said “no” more often, taken things off my plate, reevaluated relationships of all kinds- including my relationship with time- and determined what energies are or aren’t worth my time and attention. Yes.. it’s about boundaries, self-care, self-preservation, self-respect and total alignment, congruency and integrity with thoughts, actions and how to show up and move in the world. It’s about allowing yourself some grace!

Speaking of grace, I am also truly blessed to have a close inner circle of friends which I hold close to my heart. These relationships have deepend over the years as a result of mutual love, constant support, authenticity, genuineness, transparency, integrity, vulnerability, and mutual respect. And when called upon, or when I text, “Can you chat?” they show up!

Enter your people – the ones who know what to say and what to do. Enter chamomile tea. Enter the breath, yoga mat, meditation, prayer, visualization, mantra and music. Enter grounding, rooting, centering, and regulating the nervous system.

Rather than stay in my head, I listened to my body and let it lead me. As Tony Robbins always says in his trainings, “If you’re in your head, your dead.” I needed to drop into my body and utilize my tools so that I could feel Embodied once again.

Back to the caffeine though: I was feeling very ungrounded and anxious over elective surgery that is coming up on June 2nd (and that’s for another blog)… wink, wink. The caffeine got me jittery which, in turn, got me anxious. Scrolling and reading about other peoples experiences didn’t help- no matter how well intentioned and educational it is. It definitely did not/does not serve my nervous system, so I’ll be unplugging for the next couple of weeks.

Oh, and let me not forget a totally irresponsible decision I made that put my friend’s beloved dog in danger. I saw friends outside their house and called out to their dog. Now mind you, I didn’t pull over. Since no one was behind me I just stopped the car. Since my mind was scattered, I was not present. I was not mindful of my actions. Little did I expect the dog to run into the street. OMG! Can you just imagine the shock ????

Thank God, guardian angels, powerful and divine beings that nothing happened!!! When I realized the dog was in the street, I had the presence of mind to open my car door and call its name and it immediately jumped into my car. I still have the distressed look on the owner’s face emblazoned in my mind’s eye, and I don’t think I’ll be forgetting that anytime soon.

The other thing I did after my grounding practice was pull one of Elena Brower’s cards from her Practice You Oracle Deck and it read: “The Universe is listening. I am thinking with love.” It also asks: when do you feel most at home in the silence within yourself?

Well, that was an easy one to answer because I practiced it. I showered myself with love, got silent, went within, and used the tools and resources I have to connect with the infinite all, my higher self and angelic guidance.

Needless to say, just a few minutes into my practice I felt better already. I felt the energy shifting. It’s as if the earth was pulling me deeper and deeper into herself via a luminous grounding cord. As I lay on my stomach with my forehead on the mat, feeling my belly press against the ground every time I inhaled, I felt held. It was as if Divine Mother and Mother Earth were whispering “I got you.”

The thing is that when we are in our heads, we forget who we truly are. We forget of our divine connection. We forget we are energy and that energy shifts with each thought or intention. We forget how powerful we truly are. We forget we are the co-creators of all our experiences. We forget how our thoughts can manifest positive results!

My intention for the next two weeks, since I will be self quarantining, is to give myself even more space. I will create my own daily mini retreats filled with all things that nourish and nurture my soul. If there is one thing I’ve learned to do well, it’s self-care and rest… Oh, and pre-hab and prep for surgery. I know all will be well!

And how ironic that I accidentally flipped my calendar and ended up with tomorrow’s affirmation/inspiration!?!?!? I truly believe there are no accidents or coincidences. The message needed to be read, digested and integrated today:

“Today I choose to think thoughts that will manifest positive results in the future “And in my beloved Sister-goddess friend’s, Kat’s words….And so it is!

What you are reading is the journaling and free writing I did after my practice. It just flowed out of me. Needless to say, I appreciate your time and attention…Thank you for reading! Comments always welcome.

Staying calm….and carrying on, JTC

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Earth Teach Me…

“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.” Jane Goodall

In honor of Earth Day, I decided to share a lovely prayer I came across while shopping a few weeks back at my favorite local shop, Carla Gizzi, in Asbury Park, NJ. It’s my go-to place for unique, fun, funky, sentimental, practical, fashionable, handcrafted beautiful gifts of all kinds…floor to ceiling! Everywhere you look- in every nook and cranny- there is a gem waiting to be discovered, held, sniffed, touched, read, tried on or simply admired.

OK,…back to the prayer…have you ever seen that rectangular box filled with 365 cards with quotes or poems on them? The box is sold as a set, but this shop also has one where you can purchase individual cards. I sometimes randomly buy one and include it in the gift I am buying. That’s where I came across the one I’ve decided to share on this auspicious day. I intentionally purchased it so that I could include it in my Earth Day ritual or prayers. I hope John Yellow Lark’s words touch your heart they did mine!

Earth teach me stillness as the grasses are stilled with light.

Earth teach me suffering as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring as the mother who secures her young.

Earth teach me courage as the tree which stands alone.

Earth teach me limitation as the ant which crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom as the eagle which soars in the sky.

Earth teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.

Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness as dry fields weep on the rain.

Darlings, may we all be reminded of the impact we have on the world around us. We can each make a difference on our beloved planet in all ways, big and small. May we strive to be better humans each and every day- by the way we carry ourselves, our thoughts, views, speech, and our actions. May we be reminded we are all connected! JTC