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Heartfelt Thanks

“What amazes me is that before we can count we are taught to be grateful for what others do. As we are broken open by our experience, we begin to be grateful for what is, and if we live long enough and deep enough and authentically enough, gratitude becomes a way of life.” -Mark Nepo

Throughout our lives, we pretty much can tell when someone is telling the truth or not and if their words and intentions are genuine or not. Well, the same goes for the expression of heartfelt gratitude. Our gratitude either comes from the heart or pays lip service. It’s either genuine or impure. We are either authentic or a fraud, transparent or all smoke and mirrors. The choice is always ours to make.

The blessings that are bestowed upon us are vast and endless. The more we are grateful for, the more abundance that seems to show up in our lives. And I don’t just mean the abundance that we know as money. Abundance comes in all ways and from a bottomless well called The Universe.

For me personally, gratitude is most certainly a way of life. It is my manifesto for living. That is why I am a self-proclaimed “gratitude junkie.” Much of what we go through in life teaches us to be thankful for all of it….the good, the bad and the ugly. I like to call it the “lessons and blessings.” Here’s a thought though: Why should we have to wait to be broken open time and time again or live long enough before we finally learn to be grateful for all that is?

Furthermore, why should this week be any different that any other week of the year? Just because there is a day that is earmarked on the calendar as “Thanksgiving” and a ton of related paraphernalia flooding our senses doesn’t mean we can’t live each and every single day from a place of deep gratitude and express heartfelt thanks. Think of the shift that would occur if we stopped to give thanks throughout the day and not just at the traditional meal time. By now we know the positive effects that a gratitude practice has on our nervous system and how it promotes health and well-being. Imagine if we all expressed genuine thanks throughout the day? Imagine the impact and shift that would occur in our lives and the lives of others? Imagine.

So on this day before Thanksgiving, I want to share with you with a few questions to ponder. Some of the questions come from a lovely Attitudes of Gratitude Guided Journal by M.J. Ryan that I found years ago. I am not sure if it is still in print but, if it is, it’s something worth checking into. It lays the foundation for a beautiful practice and also makes a thoughtful and meaningful gift. You can choose to journal your answers or perhaps make them part of a family activity this week or even on Thanksgiving Day. It’s a good opportunity to put away the electronics and have yourself some meaningful conversation!

Also, if you and/or your family recently lost a loved one, and this holiday season is the first without at that person, you may want to consider answering these questions as a way of honoring their memory. You can even write them each on a piece of paper, fold each one, place in a bowl and pass it around, have each person pick one and share their answer. I am sure you can come up with your own questions to add to the list. Create away! So here goes:

  • How has gratitude brought more grace into your life?
  • Has gratitude made you feel more fulfilled? How?
  • How can you teach gratitude to others?
  • What are some of the ways gratitude comes naturally into your life?
  • Do you approach life with a positive or negative attitude?
  • Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
  • How do you cultivate a true and deep appreciation for what you have?
  • What unique gifts have you been blessed with?
  • What are you grateful for about you?
  • Count the number of ‘Thank you’s” you say during one day. Could you say more?
  • How can you teach gratitude to your younger ones?
  • Honoring your connection to your ancestors gives you a sense of belonging and wholeness. How do you honor your family? Hoe do you honor their legacy?
  • Who have you most learned from in your life?
  • Life is a journey on which you become more and more fully who you are meant to be. Who is that person?

When we choose to cultivate attitudes like love, joy and gratitude, we begin to “remake” the world. -M.J. Ryan

 

Meditation:

May You Know Gratitude 

May you know gratitude. May you be grateful for the abundance in your life. May you also be grateful for the people, feelings and experiences that cause you pain and discomfort – they are here to teach you. Express your gratitude everyday and you will find even greater abundance in your heart and in your life with each passing day.

 

Heartfelt thanks and blessings darlings…today, always, and in all ways!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

 

 

 

 

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Soul Spaces & Personal Sanctuaries

“Your home both reflects who you are and can help transform who you are.”              -Marianne Williamson

Not everyone enjoys moving and setting up a new home or apartment. Me? I love it! It thrills me.  I’ve moved so often, and am so good at it, that I always say I could have owned my own moving / staging company. As a matter of fact, the average number of years I have remained in one place has always been about 6-9 years. And, I am known for leaving things behind and starting “fresh.” There is so much to be said for the art of “paying forward” and keeping the abundance circulating! Doing so warms my heart and brings me joy.

There was a time where I briefly, ever so briefly, thought about the money I have spent decorating my new places. Then one day, I had an “aha” moment and realized that one of the reasons I’ve always enjoyed moving and decorating new spaces was because it’s allowed me to express my creativity. Each new house or apartment I have ever lived in has reflected who and where I’ve been at that point in my life. Oftentimes, I referred to these new places as “sanctuaries” for my soul to rest, renew, heal, evolve, grow and expand. Today, every where you look you find books and articles on creating your personal sanctuary, creating a sacred space, your personal oasis.

One such book I came across 4 years ago while I was at Lumeria in Maui, was SoulSpace Transform Your Home, Transform Your Life. It was written by Xorin Balbes who, at the time, was the owner and designer of this beautiful yoga and educational retreat oasis. As Marianne Williamson writes in the forwards, “If you are looking to make your home more reflective of the deepest truths of who you are and what you want in life, then SoulSpace is the coolest thing you could possibly read…..This book is unique and filled with wisdom, not only about design but also about us, not only about beauty but also about transformation, not only about how to decorate your rooms but also about how to better your life.” Just reading those words made my mouth water, and I couldn’t wait to savor all the wisdom and beauty the book had to offer.

Since Xorin was on the property during our stay at Lumeria, we got to talk to him quite a bit and had the opportunity to hear his soul speak. Needless to say, practically everyone in our group purchased the book, and I have since purchased some as gifts. As I read Xorin’s book, it was as if all the pieces of the puzzle known as my “moving life” fell into place. It was yet another “aha” moment. So much so, that it made me feel as if I could have penned that book myself. I had a whole lot of Xorin Balbes inside my heart and soul!

Creating your own personal sanctuary, sacred soul space and oasis is a whole lot easier to do when you live by yourself and do not have a house full of children or anyone else to answer to. However, I truly believe that where there is a will, there is a way. It does not mean that we have to live in a cluttered mess, a house that looks like a college dorm or one giant playroom. Every thing and every one should have their own personal space. Organization, attention to detail, love and intention are key factors. Remember, your outer world reflects your inner world! I invite you to sit on that for just a moment. Pause….inhale….exhale…Your outer world reflects your inner world. What does your living space reflect? What does it say about you? Does it reflect calm or chaos? Do you reflect calm or chaos?

Do you have a sacred space that supports your dreams, is inspirational, and houses the items that nurture your soul? It could be a corner of a room, an alcove, an extra room, maybe even an area of your bedroom or your entire bedroom for that matter. Our mind, body and soul need a place of calm, ease, deep peace, a place to retreat to, unwind, decompress, rest and relax. A place where we can write, reflect, seek inspiration, read, ground ourselves, dream, pray, meditate or perhaps even help us heal emotionally and spiritually. If you do have such a place, then kudos to you…how awesome! I’d love to hear all about it. If you don’t, then why not? Do you make the time to rest and relax? If not, why not? If you don’t, I humbly invite you to read my previous blog, R&R. 

For me, the end of a relationship usually signaled a time to move on, start fresh and do some big-time resting and relaxing. The way I decorated was always reflective of where I was at that point in time. Playing with color, furnishings and different designs expressed my moods and stages. The most important design element though has been the love, intention, fun and energy that has gone into creating my own personal sanctuaries. My home is my temple, my sacred soul space, my oasis.

Helping others create their sacred space(s) is also fun, exciting, meaningful and therapeutic. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I love to organize, purge, give away and display items that bring joy and nurture the soul. They can be different works of art, religious artifacts or deities, delicious candles, incense, essential oils, inspiring books, coloring books, meaningful jewelry and accessories, crystals, stones, pictures, found treasures or souvenirs from world travels or places of exploration, special gifts, journals, a comfy pillow and yummy blanket, soothing music, plants and flowers (one must always have fresh flowers). Regardless of the space we have available to us, the size of our home or the number of people living in it, our home will either reflect calm or chaos. More importantly, it should be a place where we can flourish and not just exist.

You know the all too common question, “Where do you live?” Well, in the introduction to SoulSpace, Xorin invites us to consider the question in a new way, and I will leave you to do so with his beautiful words of inspiration:

“Where do you live? Where do you feel alive? Where do you feel safe, peaceful, hopeful and supported? Where can you explore your hobbies, think, learn and love? If your home is just a temporary holding pen where you leave all your things during the day instead of a beautiful space that makes you feel safe and calm every time you walk in the door, something is wrong. Your home is more than a place where your possessions are – it is a place where your body can recharge, where your passions can be fulfilled, where you safely explore yourself and your desires, and where your soul can rest, be inspired and soar. Home is about satisfying our basic animal needs: eating, sleeping, seeking shelter. But it is also about achieving transcendence on earth through our other needs, the ones that are the basis of our humanity: beauty, love and creativity.”

Where do you live, darling?

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

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R&R

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” -Maya Angelou

I remember when I first started teaching and was always on the go, my mother would always remind me of the importance of resting, slowing down, taking naps or, at best, just closing my eyes for a few minutes. It was her belief that one got old before their time if they didn’t take/make time to rest and relax. However, I had a difficult time processing this because of the conflicting message that her actions sent my way.

You see, what my mom practiced versus what she preached were two different things. At the time, I couldn’t wrap my head around the irony. I didn’t think my mother knew what she was taking about since she was always doing, on the go and tired. How could she possibly know what she was talking about back then?  With the passing of time, I did in fact learn the importance of self-care (not the easy way), and that is why I am such an advocate for radical self-love, self-care and R&R. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite quotes is, “How beautiful it is to do nothing and rest afterwards.”

Are you sending out mixed messages? Are you saying one thing and yet modeling a different behavior for your children and/or loved ones? Today, more than ever, with all the sensory overload and stimulation, round the clock connectivity, and idol hours being spent in front of electronic devices, we cannot overlook the importance of “making the time to take the time” to unplug and take care of ourselves. No excuses! On top of this throw in the state of our world, planet, the on-the-job demands, raising children, caregiving for our partners, and aging parents. And if that’s not enough, add to that mix the problems and solutions that are required to keep our heads above water. Whew! I don’t know about you, but I am tired just writing about it! We can either let all these things wear us down, beat us up and disempower us, OR we can make the choice to go down a healthier path. The choice is truly ours to make. No one can do it for us. As Maya Angelou used to say, “When we know better, we do better.” 

The activity in my last blog, Who’s in Charge Here, gave you “permission” to do identify the things that your mind, body and soul need in order to function optimally. If your mind, body and soul are out of alignment, you can bet your pretty backside that you are feeling its ill-effects. Remember, dis-ease in the mind, body and soul will manifest into disease. And that is the absolute truth! For starters, look around at the havoc that hovering over our electronic devices is doing to our physical bodies. Take a look at how hunched over and collapsed people are looking these days. Young children and young adults already have signs of severe muscular-skeletal issues caused by their poor posture. Witness the anxiety, anger, frustration, grievances and ill behaviors in and around us. All these things can, and should be nipped in the bud because we do, in fact, know better. As I mentioned in Who’s in Charge Here, we need to take charge and act on it! After all, if you’re not in charge, then who is? No excuses darlings!

While the notion of R&R may conjure up visions of retreat centers, sandy beaches, turquoise waters, spa vacations and all the sensory delights that come along with them, we don’t have to go away to experience the healing effects of good old-fashion rest and relaxation. All we need to do is be still, connect to our body, and listen to what it is trying to tell us. We can have a conversation with our Self, and listen to what our heart is longing for… we must do in the name of self-preservation. What is your mind, body and soul calling out for? Is it calling for more quiet time, less time on social media, a digital detox, early bedtime, a bedtime ritual, a soak in the tub, candles, soft music, time to read, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, healing and nutritious foods, an hour of silence (perhaps more), a massage, energy work, reflexology, a facial, mani/pedi, long walks in nature, time with your tribe….you get the picture, don’t you?

Well, then it is my heartfelt wish that you have started to carve out the time to take care of your beautiful, precious, magical, and divine Self and that you have identified your talents, gifts and uniqueness (if not, check out the blog Exercise the I AM in You). We only get one mind, body and soul in this lifetime. Our physical shell holds the miraculous systems and organs that make us who we are.  Shouldn’t we want to honor that precious temple the best way possible? After all, we are good at helping and serving others; yet, oftentimes we do for others and not for ourselves. Let’s change the narrative and the stories we are telling ourselves and modeling for others. Rest and relaxation MUST be on everyone’s list of “non-negotiables.” And, speaking of non-negotiables, have you identified yours?

I will leave you with a beautiful prayer/meditation from the May You Know Joy deck of meditation cards I purchased while I was at Kripalu.

May You Know Nourishment

May you nourish your mind, your body and your soul daily. They are your divine trinity. Nourish your fibers, your ideas, and your values. Strengthening these will carry you further than you might dream possible. May you treat yourself with kindness and compassion and share your nourishment with whose in need of it. They will come to you and you will both be nourished in the process.

 

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

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Who’s in Charge Here?

“I need to take an emotional breath, step back, and remind myself of who’s actually in charge of my own life.” Judith M. Knowlton

 

Greetings darlings! Well, if all goes well, today I will be returning from a much needed and long anticipated visit to Kripalu in Lenox, MA. Staying there always leaves me  feeling so relaxed, renewed, recharged, refreshed and connected to nature ( much needed after all the celebrations that took place in the month of October).

There’s nothing like giving ourselves permission to go out and do the thing(s) that our mind, body and soul are calling us to do. Once again, the key is to acknowledge it, make a plan, and consciously choose to schedule it as a priority. I personally see it as a duty and responsibility we have to our higher self, and we do not need anyone’s approval (other than our own) to do so. It’s self-respect at it’s best! If we aren’t in charge, then who is?

So, I am going to keep today’s post light and fun, especially since some of you may still be catching up / finishing up with the I AM exercise that was part of my blog, Exercising the I AM in You. And, since I believe in total transparency, I also needed to schedule some posts for publication in advance for while I was away.  My intention (as I type this) is to disconnect and do a digital detox while at Kripalu. Digital detoxes are also a much needed thing we can all benefit from every now and again….disconnect to reconnect!

Remember how as kids we always needed to get a permission slip signed for a filed trip or class trip of some kind? Perhaps you are the one signing them now if you have children. Well……here goes……

I invite you to make  your own permission slip for the field trip, activity or pampering you have been needing, the dream you’ve been holding onto, the thoughts you haven’t allowed yourself to voice, or any other activity your heart is telling you it needs. Like one of the pages in the I Am Her book says, “Give yourself permission to live.”

  • Take out a sheet of paper and at the top of it write: I Give Myself Permission To
  • At the very bottom of it, write: Starting This Very Moment
  • You are now ready to list the things you will be giving yourself permission to do

Perhaps this is an activity you would also like to share with your Tribe. It’s always fun to share these types of activities with those girlfriends who support and encourage one another. It’s also a good way to hold yourself, and each other, accountable. Make a night of it, host a pot-luck dinner or a happy hour and gather around the table. Have nice art supplies of all kinds if you really want to make it special. That’s  the event planner in me speaking – a simple idea evolves into an “event” of some sort. One thing I know from experience though is that a fun time will be had by all!

Now go take charge, and enjoy yourself!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

 

 

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Turn Your Light On

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” Marianne Williamson

I think we can agree that at one time or another in our lives we have played small. Perhaps some of us are still playing small. At some point though, we realize that what we are doing is of great disservice to our Self, our Spirit, our Soul. This is one example of how we give our power away. The idea is not to play small, but to turn on our own light for it will allow others to do the same.  In shining our own light, we are lighting and paving the way for others. We are choosing to acknowledge our greatness and inspire, love, serve AND lead from the heart…right from the start. 

Hopefully, you are finishing up Day 7 of the I AM exercise and glowing brighter and brighter with each passing day! Here’s a little inspirational piece from the I Am Her book as well as a  little Compliment Practice you may want to try out.

“She unfurls her wings. She speaks her mind. She is a beautiful parcel of boldness and grace, all wrapped together, brilliant. Shining. The more of her own light she allows to shine, the more others shine too. From high up, she imagines they must look like a constellation.

 

Compliment Practice

Draw a BIG heart and in it write all the nice things people say about you.

 

Shine on darlings, and watch what starts to happen. Oh, and one more thing…Remember to keep loving your EXTRAORDINARY self!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

 

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Who is She?

“Her presence makes the world a better place. Who is she? She is me. She is you.” 

Hello darlings! I know many of you have committed to the activity in my previous blog, Exercising the I AM in You, so I am going to keep the next couple of blogs short. The inspirational pieces I am going to share with you, in the next couple of posts, come from this delightful and precious book by Compendium called I Am Her. It’s actually a beautifully and artistically designed book of quotations, vignettes and questions to inspire all the women in your life.

Who is She?

She is a daughter. She is a best friend. She is a pocketful of light. She is a spark of something good, getting brighter; a dream grown large; the right thing at the right time.

She is a dancer, a singer, a thinker, a truth-teller. A connoisseur of all the things this wide world has to offer. Her spirit is the first thing people notice. Her mind always had a mind of its own. Her heart. though it has sometimes been hurt, bears a strong resemblance to a daffodil; it always flowers again.

So she wakes with anticipation. She finds new hills to climb. And everyone agrees that the very fact of her in the world means there is still so much good to come.

Who is she? She is me. She is you.

Hopefully, you are all enjoying the I AM exercise and unearthing the beauty, talents, gifts and uniqueness that makes you who you are!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

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Exercise the I AM in You

“All of us are seeking the same thing. We share the desire to fulfill the highest, truest expression of ourselves as human beings….the most valuable gift you can give yourself is the time to nurture the unique spirit that is you.” -Oprah

As children, we are taught to love others and treat them with kindness and compassion; yet, we rarely heard the message that it first starts with us. I don’t know about you, but I feel the most important lesson that should be taught early on in life is to do just that: Love and accept ourself, show up for ourself with loving-kindness, compassion and understanding. Take care of our beautiful soul and nurture it with food for all the senses. The value in this lesson is that we learn to put our Self first, and not in a selfish way, but in a self-preserving way!

Fast forward to when we are in our adult lives, and we will most likely get to the point where we seem to be unraveling, disconnected, lost, not grounded, spiraling, fatigued, anxious, and exhausted from doing, doing, doing and giving, giving, giving. Why? Because we are doing and giving to others. We are “do-ing” instead of “be-ing.” We’ve all heard the adage, “If you don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t take care of anyone else.” Why is that so difficult to do? We’ve put ourselves at the bottom of the “to do” list, that’s why!  We should have been at the top of the list all along had we been taught to do so early on in life.

Somewhere along the line, we find ourselves lacking joy, stamina, wonder, love, excitement, creativity and a host of other things. We are quick to see the gifts in others and admire them in ways we seem to have lost the ability to do for ourself. We lose touch with our true essence and the connection to that divine energy that is much greater than us. Where did it go? Well darlings, remember the line from the Wizard of Oz? “You’ve had the power all along.” You just mis-placed it, gave it away, ignored it or chose to forget about it all together. There comes a point in your life where you must find it, polish it, step into it and reclaim the divine power and glory that is You. How? Well, a good place to start is to turn inward and start acknowledging your personal gifts and uniqueness. We all have them. We’ve just lost sight of them. Be still and listen!

Look around and take a close look at all the young girls and women of all ages, beautiful women inside and out, who fail to see their beauty, light, uniqueness and gifts because they are so caught up in doing for others or comparing themselves to others. Just think about the behavior that is being modeled for younger generations. It’s certainly not a healthy one. A good way to break this cycle is to first acknowledge the behavior and then consciously “choose” to end this cycle of madness and struggle. Instead of prioritizing your schedule, schedule your priorities (when I heard my lovely friend Christy once say this, I felt a shift occur in my mind). And if you’re not sure of your priorities, a great way to re-claim them is to identify your “non-negotiables.” As I’ve shared before, mine are prayer, yoga, meditation, sleep, water, nutritious foods, exercise (and other self-care practices). Nothing, or no one, comes between me and my non-negotiables. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way! What are the things your mind, body and soul need in order to “show up” for yourself in a healthy, kind, compassionate, mindful and peaceful way? And by the way, leave the guilt at the door when doing so! These are the things that need to be a priority on your schedule. Along with the guilt, leave the prioritizing of the schedule in the past, and start scheduling your priorities!

Another powerfully insightful way to identify and connect with your personal gifts, uniqueness and divine power is a wonderful exercise called I AM. If my memory serves me correctly, I first did it as part of Iyanla Vanzant’s Inner Vision Institute Do the Work series. It “appears” to be a simple task and one you may have doubts about. It may also be one that you struggle with as you try to “come up” with what to write. You see, with each passing day, you will most certainly find yourself delving deeper and deeper, excavating and finding those long-lost gifts you have buried or, perhaps, never even acknowledged.  You do this exercise for 7 consecutive days, and all it requires is a pen and paper (no typing – it must be hand-written).

Directions:

As will all sacred practices / rituals, I suggest you take a moment to perhaps light a candle, clear your space, burn some sage, palo santo or incense. Take a few deep breaths, get comfortable, set an intention and don’t over-think. Approach the activity with an open mind and open heart! Now take a piece of paper (you may want to do this in your journal) and write Day 1 at the top. Then, below that, write I AM. Number your paper from 1-40. You are now ready to say to yourself, “I am……” and write whatever comes up next to each number. Do not judge or over-think – just go with the flow! You will do this for 7 consecutive days. 

Believe me, you will be amazed and in awe of the magnitude of what you have written. It will leave you feeling empowered, strong and in love with You. No one….I will say it again….no one, can give you the most valuable gift of nurturing the unique spirit that is you other than You! In doing so, you will fulfill your highest, truest expression of yourself as a human being, and not a human “do-ing.”

Happy exercising and remember, just do you…. And love who you are!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

 

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Special Wishes for AJ

“And the Child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the grace of God was upon him” Luke 2:40

Today’s blog is dedicated to a very special little man named Arie Joseph  (AJ). He is my God-daughter’s son who is being baptized today.

In addition to all the prayers, blessings and special wishes that will be showered upon AJ on this day, it is also a very special day for his parents, as is with any rite of passage in a child’s life. On baptism day, parents are up close and personal to the sacrament that brings their child into Christianity. It’s a commitment parents make. It is also a responsibility they have as caretakers of their child’s beautiful mind and soul to instill some sort of belief / faith in them. As a child grows and matures, they may stray from their religion / faith  or maybe even find another one that resonates more for them. Regardless, parents have laid the foundation for spiritual, faith based practices, beliefs, morals and values in hopes of creating a kind, loving, compassionate, wise, responsible and productive citizen of the world.

The experiences of being a first time parent, diapers, dishes, sleep, lack of sleep, food prep, doctor appointments, teething, runny noses, fevers, food allergies, work schedules, child care and other dilemmas (remember- the bigger the child – the bigger the problems) can be daunting and overwhelming. Then throw in how one will discipline the child and the parenting style that both parents may or may not see eye to eye on. Having been in education for 33+ years, I experienced first-hand the chaos, confusion, angst, anxiety, destructive behavior, and struggle that families go through when they are at odds with the basic tenets of how to raise a child. After I ended my career, I came across Dr. Shefali. I don’t recall if I first saw her TED talk or her interview on Super Soul Sunday, but what a game changer she is!

Once you see Dr. Shefali, listen to her, and really hear what she is saying, your life, world and awareness will be forever changed. Had I come across Dr. Shefali’s work sooner, I swear I would have created a parent workshop or parenting classes around her first book, The Conscious Parent. Furthermore, if I ran a private school, this book would be mandated reading for parents and/or caretakers before accepting the child into school. It would also be required reading for the teachers. I am telling you, it’s a book every parent-to-be (or person responsible for raising a child) should read way before they even plan on starting a family (and for anyone working with children). THAT is how POWERFUL Dr. Shefali’s books are! As a matter of fact, I gifted The Conscious Parent to AJ’s parents when I learned they were expecting and also gave my girlfriend Barb (Grandma / Abuela) Dr. Shefali’s other book, The Awakened Family. My darlings, this is definitely a gift that keeps on giving!

If there is anything we have learned by now, is that the “Authoritative” approach to discipline and public shaming does not work. It’s not healthy and is destructive to say the least. Instead of building a child up, enforced disciline and punishment tears the child down – leading to shame, resentment, self-esteem issues, eating disorders, insecurities, hostilities, behavioral issues and other self-sabotaging behaviors…..and yes, it is a form of bullying. One of the things that struck me is how she is able to show us that children are a mirror of our own unresolved issues. In her book, The Awakened Family, Dr. Shefali also shows us how and/or why children’s needs aren’t being met and why they truly feel they are not being “heard” by parents or don’t feel a connection to the parent(s). She poses some profound questions for parents to ask themselves:

  • Where am I as the parent failing to connect with my child?
  • What in the child longs to be recognized, but is being ignored?
  • How can I help mitigate the feelings of inferiority and shame that my child experiences?
  • And most importantly, how am I projecting my own internal shame onto my own child?

In Dr. Shefali’s words, “Unless we begin to turn the spotlight within and ask these difficult questions, our children will live in the legacy of shame that will continue into future generations. And the epidemic of bullying will continue to soar.” Dr. Shefali’s books integrate Eastern and Western philosophies and show us how to parent in an evolutionary and conscious way. She gives us daily skills and tools that are transformational, healing and lead both children and parents to a place of calm, ease and joy. I highly recommend Dr. Shefali’s book to anyone thinking about starting family, just started one, is struggling with the “my way or the highway” style of parenting and/or caretakers responsible for raising children. Her books make an awesome gift for anyone who is being blessed with a new baby in their family. The books are blessings in and of  themselves!

So, on AJ’s special day, I am sending the Diaz-Spencer Families many heartfelt special wishes and blessings and will close with a beautiful prayer from Marianne Williamson’s book, Illuminata – A Return to Prayer.

Dear God, Thank you for the birth of Arie Joseph into the world and into this family.  We offer ourselves this day as caretakers of his spirit and his higher mind. May we fulfill with strength the glory of our role, in AJ’s life and in the lives of his parents, Erica and Doug. May the spirit of this family, from generations past and into the future, burst forth to bless and sustain Arie Joseph. Amen.

Let the celebration begin!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

 

 

 

 

 

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New Normals and Self Acceptance

“In the midst of difficulty, my curiosity is piqued, and I aim the lance of self-inquiry into the center of my deepest fears. I give myself permission to feel exactly what I feel, to be just as I am, and in that self-acceptance I find the energy, awareness, and a thousand gifts I never guessed were within me all along.” Donna Faulds

I wanted to write this piece as a follow-up to my last blog, The Warrior Goddess in You, because self-acceptance can be very challenging when going through a health challenge and/or the recovery period that follows it. It is very easy to get frustrated with all the things we cannot do, the physical and emotional changes we are undergoing, limitations imposed on us and “unknowns” that sometimes hijack our thoughts.

One thing that is very helpful during this time, is to simply acknowledge that every day is a new day and that you (or the person recovering) will be faced with establishing “new normals” almost daily. I know how it feels to have your wings clipped, be down for the count, and have to rely on others for some of the most basic needs / tasks. It’s not easy, especially if you are extremely independent. Establishing new normals calls for us to shift our perspective, be humble, maintain a sense of humor, and practice acceptance.

Perspective, humility, humor and acceptance are qualities of the mind. Conversely, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion and generosity are qualities of the heart. And guess what? These are things that we do have control over. Pause and think about this for a moment. They are also the qualities needed if we want to embrace our “new normal” and still experience joy while doing so.  Don’t get me wrong, a good pity party is called for now and again. We have to cry- and I’m talking ugly, messy crying! Then we  have to put on our big girl panties and forge ahead. Donna Faulds eloquently tells us to go to the center of our deepest fears, to feel and accept. In doing so, we become aware and in tune to our body. This self-inquiry process allows us to appreciate and be grateful for our miraculous body and its gifts – especially its ability to self-regulate and heal. This is powerful as well as empowering!

Time and patience allow us to accept ourselves gracefully and lovingly. We just have to remember that it is a process and one that calls for us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s not a competition, nor is it a race to the finish line. We try our best, but stumble at times, and that’s okay! There comes a point where the qualities of the mind and the heart seamlessly merge and they become our compass (as well as our life preserver during the more challenging times). Before we know it, we find gifts that were within us all along!

Affirmations are a powerful tool when stated with intention. I will leave you with some beautiful ones by Tannaz Chubb:

I am open to receiving the many blessings of healing delivered to me by the power of the Universe.

I trust that all changes and transformations are happening for my highest good and that everything is unfolding perfectly.

I gracefully accept the help of those around me in order to release the weight I have been carrying. I do not need to do this alone.

My body, mind and soul is cleansed and restored with a healing, positive, white light.

I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am, I love and respect my body, and am grateful for all that it has provided me with.

I feel strong. I feel confident in my body and in my mind, and through this strength I embrace myself for all that I am.

I embrace and love all that I am. I show myself compassion and forgive myself for all that I once believed was not good enough. I accept myself. 

 

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC

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The Warrior Goddess in You

“In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear and hope to despair” Howard Thurman

Within the past two months, I’ve learned of some friends and acquaintances diagnosed with the big “C” and others that underwent major surgery. In addition, yet others are awaiting to have surgery. Whether it’s a diagnosis, some health issue we’ve investigated, or an injury requiring surgery, our mindset is 80-90% of the battle.

It is at this juncture and critical time when we must call upon our inner Warrior Goddess and prepare for yet another journey.  This journey requires us to step into the fire of transformation once again. We must have the strength, courage and hope that our Phoenix will emerge, and we will be even more aligned, aware and connected to the “I AM” of all that we are, and then some. Regardless of previous diagnosis’, injuries or surgeries we may have had in the past, it is important to remember that the health crisis we are facing is different. Why? Because we have a new perspective.

One of my beloved yoga and meditation teachers brought this to light as I was preparing for surgery two years ago. Even if we are facing the same diagnosis or a similar surgery, it has never happened the exact same way before. It is a new time! Even more importantly, my beloved Angela reminded me to NOT bring a verdict based on my past experience. She further went on to encourage me to experience the situation anew and, even though there will be struggle and difficulty, meet it for what it is and not add past perspectives or perceived problems that may or may not come in the future.

I decided to write this blog a while ago when one of my friends called to ask me how I prepared for my last successful surgery, so that she could share it with a friend of hers who was having surgery. Before sharing with you how my Inner Warrior got ready for “game day,” I must tell you that Shiftforwellness.com was started by my friend Jenn as a result of her battle with cancer ten years ago. It’s a wonderful, beautiful and user-friendly site to visit where she shares a plethora of resources and tools that worked and didn’t work for her – before, during and after her surgery. I am a firm believer in not “reinventing the wheel” and tapping into the wisdom and sage advice of others. I love, respect and admire people who put “their stuff”out there in an effort to light and pave the way for others. I believe this in itself is part of our purpose.

So after my conversation with Jenn, I quickly pulled out my journal from a few years ago and made a list. Intuitively, I knew I had to share this information in a blog. As you should know by now, I am BIG on self-care. We must always make a conscious choice to take care of the Goddess in all of us so that she is ready to step up to the plate when needed. First and foremost, I emailed my tribe of friends and informed them of what was going on. Secondly, I started a Self-Care / Self-Nurturing Journal. One of the things I wrote in it was all the responses my friends emailed me. I wanted to have this readily available if and when the going got mentally and emotionally tough. This way, the beautiful, heart-felt words my friends wrote to me would serve to inspire and motivate me during the challenging times that lay ahead (in addition to reminding me how blessed and loved I am). The other thing I used the journal for was to make an entry every single day leading up to the surgery. Mind you, I started it on October 25, 2015 and my surgery was scheduled for the end of January 2016.

Keeping this journal was a way for me to hold myself accountable for the care and nurturing with which I would shower upon my Inner Goddess. Lastly, the other thing I listed in my journal, was all the “tools” I had that I would be able to tap into at any given time. As I previously said, our mindset is critical. Equally critical is knowing that we are held by that higher power – call it God, The Universe, Nature, Spirit, The Divine – whatever resonates for you personally. I am also a firm believer in the power of prayer. Its collective energy is palpable, powerful and at our fingertips at any given moment. Gathering our prayer warriors is one of the most powerfully energetic, uplifting and inspiring things we can do.

In addition to prayer and intention, some of the “tools”  listed in my Self-Care / Self-Nurturing Journal are as follows:

  • Pranayama (breathwork)
  • Aromatherapy oils and diffusor
  • Music and Mantras
  • Meditations (I especially loved Finding Your Flow which was a past one from the Oprah and Deepak Chopra  21 Day Meditation Series)
  • Guided healing meditations and visualizations
  • Inspirational books (like No Mud, No Lotus)
  • Healing Mandalas coloring book
  • Massage
  • Self-massage
  • Yoga (and chair asanas when I would be unable to get down on the floor)
  • Guided sleep meditations
  • Lavender Eye pillow
  • Energy work / Reiki
  • Acupuncture
  • Physical Therapy
  • Proper nutrition, lots of H20 and no sugar or alcohol
  • Journaling
  • Affirmations

My darlings, trust me when I tell you that my inner Warrior Goddess was beyond ready for yet another battle. And boy, did she come out to play! One very important thing we must remember though, is to allow ourself rest. Even if it means not taking calls, responding to texts right away, and setting time aside to listen to voicemails and read emails. It can be extremely overwhelming and fatiguing to say the least. And, the body needs sleep in order to heal. The last thing it needs is added stress and discomfort. The other important thing to remember to do is have certain contacts be the “point person” in charge of groups of friends and family. It is virtually impossible and draining to even “think” you can “handle” it all. Not only is it impossible but extremely stressful if you try to exert control over the entire situation.  Instead of holding on and gripping tightly, choose to let go and be held! This is when we must open ourself to receive!

It is my deepest desire that you are able to utilize any of the information I shared with you. Feel free to pass it on to anyone you feel may benefit from it. We all have the ability to tap into the strength and inner fortitude inside of us. However, some of us have a more difficult time doing so.

Always know you are loved and that a higher power is holding you. Remember, you are powerful beyond measure! Take care of the Warrior Goddess within, always and in all ways!

Inhale Love…Exhale Gratitude, JTC