The Art of Conversation

“As modern culture embraces social media and digital chatter, valuable aspects of face-to-face conversation are being lost.” – Breathe Magazine

Can we talk? The one and only Joan Rivers brought that question to a whole new level during her time here on earth. Not only was she funny but her humor, combined with the ability to connect with people, is what allowed her to get away with the stuff that would follow her “Can we talk” one liner. She was bold, brave and brassy! I think it was her personal interactions and ability to read people which further allowed for this level of “straightforward-ness.”

In today’s culture,  personal interaction has been compromised because of the way people are digitally communicating as well as evolving. Everything is so rapid… the accumulation of knowledge, the ability to research, shop, learn, entertain, educate, obtain information in minutes and, yes, communicate point-blank words that are exchanged via texts that are devoid of eye contact and emotion. Sadly, the art of face-to-face conversation is becoming a lost art. We can change that though!!!!!

Have you experienced conflicts via texts because the message was received and interpreted NOT the was intended? Texting serves a purpose in that we can get a quick answer when needed. However, we all find ourselves in these lengthy threads of conversations that take more time and energy than picking up the phone does, or meeting for tea/coffee or a bite to eat. We have all become quite “laid back” in our communication styles. How many of us don’t even take advantage of FaceTime? At least we can better gauge emotions, a person’s state of mind, their need and intention via FaceTime. That’s not something we can do via texting. And boy, can THAT create unwelcomed and unexpected  problems!

I came across a line in an article I was reading,  which inspired this essay, and it seemed to compliment my previous blog, Keeping It Real. I think it succinctly states the conversation crisis we are experincing in today’s times:

“If more people are more connected than ever before thanks to technology, paradoxically there are also more people so immersed in the digital world that they forget to experience life in the real world, ultimately losing the ability to communicate in person.”

There is a word in this quote that is key. And that the word “ability.” The art of conversation takes ability, skill, talent, practice, discernment, eloquence, tact, truth, intention, meaning and language….just to name a few. We each have our own communication style. Our styles have taken years and years (and perhaps even tears) to develop. It’s as if we’ve tried on different styles of communication throughout our lifetime until we find one that suits our personality. While some of us feel comfortable in all types of conversations, there are others of us who freeze at the thought of initiating conversation, much less taking part in meaningful or sensitive dialogue.

It’s my belief that face to face conversations either make you feel alive or they scare the crap out of you. What do face-to-face conversations do for you?

  • Do you enjoy human interaction?
  • Are you comfortable speaking in different settings?
  • Are you comfortable approaching a complete stranger and initiating a convo with them?
  • How do you feel when a stranger approaches you?
  • Do you enjoy eye contact?
  • Are you a touchy-feely type of person?
  • Do you enjoy the art of a good, real, raw, oftentimes messy and significant conversation?

It’s also my belief that we can all use some conversation etiquette these days. As with all things in life, we periodically need to assess what we are doing, how we are doing it, and decide if we need to alter or make a change in our approach to a given situation. Well, the article I was reading in Breathe Magazine (The Well-being Issue), listed the following guidelines to help us improve our conversation skills:

How to start a conversation:

  • If you feel anxious, ask questions first, so you become more comfortable about sharing your thoughts.
  • Avoid discussing the weather (seriously!) and direct the conversation to more interesting matters.
  • Avoid contentious topics on first acquaintance and try to establish common ground instead,
  • Once a mutual connection is reached, turn the trivial chitchat into something more meaningful.
  • When joining a conversation, be aware of the tone and mood so you can adapt accordingly.

How to take conversation beyond small talk:

  • Share anecdotal details about your life and experiences relevant to the subject being discussed.
  • Be genuinely curious and ask open-ended questions to invite people to talk about themselves.
  • Pay attention to body language so you can change the subject if you see signs that others are no longer engaged.
  • If you are open, honest, show compassion, and maybe a touch of vulnerability, people tend to mirror these qualities.

Conversation Etiquette:

  • Be approachable. Smile. Be friendly, Keep eye contact, and listen without interrupting.
  • Show interest. Displaying attentiveness and asking meaningful questions will show that you really care and also encourage other people to open up to you.
  • Be passionate but don’t try to convert people to your beliefs. Maintain an open mind and make an effort to understand other people’s perspective.
  • Don’t make it feel like an interrogation or be a conversation narcissist. Ensure a balance in the dialogue to avoid constant questioning or boring monologues.
  • Don’t revel too much about yourself. Disclose unwelcome information and you may find an awkward silence.
  • Be yourself and be natural. If you are an introvert, be brave and practice many different social situations. Many people don’t like small talk but try to consider it as an opportunity to learn about others as well as yourself.

The aforementioned guidelines can help us all be a good “conversationalist” and enhance our ability to talk and listen effectively. And again, as with all things in life, it is a practice! And as far as difficult and sensitive conversations go? I truly believe in speaking the truth kindly, calmly and compassionately. Like Yogi Tea tags often advise: “Say it straight, say it simple and say it with a smile.”

The other guideline I like to adhere to pertains to gossip. When it comes to gossip, unless it is the absolute truth, kind and helpful, I do not partake in it. “He said / she said” scenarios are toxic, and they take on the characteristics of the “telephone game” in that each time the story is told to another person, and that person repeats it, the story has changed entirely. It truly is a waste of energy and a detriment to our mental health….just sayin’.

So my darlings, what do you say? Let’s put away our phones a little more often, and seek out a friend, co-worker, family member or complete stranger, and let’s practice the art of face-to-face conversation. And remember to be aware of the message that a phone in hand, or at the table, sends to our friends, family and colleagues when we’re in their company: that they don’t matter. Will you join me in having more face-to-face conversations where we are totally present for each other?

And if you are one of those people who are petrified and afraid to step out of your comfort zone….take baby steps. One step at a time, You may just be surprised at how you blossom and come to life. And speaking of life, the world needs more people to come alive!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

 

Expand Your Light

“By expanding and aligning with the light within, you will always be guided, and you will always have the wisdom and knowledge you need to move forward.” Tanaaz

Full Moon Greetings my darlings!

In one of my previous blogs, I shared a portion of a new moon ritual from from one of my favorite sites, forever conscious.com, by Tanaaz. She always has the loveliest rituals for clearing and cleansing, and I find them to be most powerful. As a matter of fact, some of my “Yayas” and I include Tanaaz’s weekly energy reading as one of our “must-do” activities on Sunday evenings. And, quite often, we compare notes on the magnitude of the activity and what arose for us when doing so.

I must confess though, I didn’t get to reading this week’s forecast yet as I got a little side-tracked last night by the 3 pets I am sitting for…..they are so entertaining! I just get lost observing their behavior, dynamics and interactions with each other. There are two adorable little dogs, Diva Mia and Miss Ellie, and the sweetest of cats, Penny (aka Penny-Lishcious). So, it wasn’t until this morning that I opened up my weekly email and realized the full moon is tomorrow. I took a glance at the Full Moon Ritual and decided I wanted to share Tanaaz’s entire article with you.

As per Tanaz, “The May 29th Full Moon in the fiery, adventurous sign of Sagittarius is going to be opening our minds, expanding our hearts, and encouraging us to take that leap of faith.” By now, you are well aware I am all about expanding our hearts, leading from the heart, and always aligning and connecting to the divine light source within us, so how could I not share the Full Moon Ritual for Expanding the Light Within???

I am a firm believer in taking the time each and every day to ground, connect, align, and ask for guidance. I tap into my heart. It’s equally important to take the time to ask,”How can I serve?” One of my personal prayers is, “Dear God, my mind is open. My heart is open. Continue to fill it with your love. Continue to fill it with your light. Continue to guide me, guard me, direct me and protect me.” This little ritual of mine primes my day and truly allows me to go out into the world feeling safe, grounded and with clarity. More importantly, it allows me to go about my intention to inspire, love serve AND lead from the heart…right from the start.

Now back to the ritual! Tanaaz goes on to say:

“This Full Moon is really going to help us get in touch with our true desires, and to think about how we can upgrade and shift our lives to a new level.

This Full Moon also has extra special meaning for me, as it falls on the death anniversary of my sister who passed away last year. Her name means light, and so I felt inspired to make this ritual about finding and expanding your own light.”

Sagittarius Full Moon Ritual for Expanding the Light Within

This ritual is best done from May 28- June 9, 2018

You will need:

  • Smudging tool of choice (sage, palo santo, incense etc.)
  • 3 Candles
  • Pen and 3 paper (plus more for journaling if you wish)
  • Bowl of water

Directions:

1.) Smudge your surroundings and your aura using your preferred method. You can read more about how to do this here. As you smudge, recite the following mantra-

“As I release I become a true expression of my light. As I cleanse, my light shines brighter than before. As I let go and surrender, the light within me glows. I am a glowing, radiant, white light.”

2.) To set up your ritual, light your candles and place them in a row. Take your pieces of paper and write one of these words on each paper- “Action”, “Mindset”, “Expression”. Fold up the three pieces of paper and shuffle them around so it’s not clear which is which. Leave them to the side for later.

3.) Take 7 deep breaths in and out just to relax and settle into your body. Gaze on the candles in front of you for a moment and then close your eyes. See the light behind your eyes, and then imagine a beautiful big, ball of blue energy in front of you. See this ball of energy as a magnificent light that is here to nourish, heal and expand you.

4.) As you inhale, imagine breathing in as much of this blue light energy as possible. See the beautiful blue energy going into your body, see it filling you up and nourishing your insides. See it expanding your energy. See the blue ball getting smaller with every inhale. As you exhale, imagine releasing any junk or toxic muck from inside of you. Really push it out of you. Keep breathing like this until you have inhaled all of that beautiful blue ball of energy.

5.) With your eyes still closed, quietly ask your higher self, spirit guides or guardian angels, to guide you to finding your true light and your true self. When you feel ready, take your three pieces of paper that you wrote on earlier. Shuffle them around and then without looking, choose one paper to go in front of each candle.

6.) Each of your three candles represent the past, present, and future. The word in front of the first candle (the past) represents what you need to let go or release. It represents something that you need to adjust, change, or let go of in order to move forward. The second candle represents the present and what you need to focus on right now. It indicates where you need to put your energy. And the last candle represents the future and what is ahead for you.

Open up the pieces of paper to see what message is in front of each candle for you.

For example, “mindset” may indicate there is something in your mindset holding you back or that you need to use your mindset to become more positive or confident. Mindset can also represent clarity, and feeling clearer on a mental level.

“Action” may indicate that you need to think about your actions before moving ahead, or that you need to stop holding yourself back and take steps to get things moving. Action is very much about adjusting something on a physical level in order to see results and change.

“Expression”, may indicate that you need to express your truth about something, or to connect with how you are really feeling. It can also indicate creativity and perhaps a time where you can really feel confident to share your ideas and bring them to the table. Expression is also about being true to yourself, and expressing your true self out into the world.

Use your intuition to guide you to the appropriate meaning for you.

7.) Feel free to journal or write down whatever insights or inspirations are stirred for you. Accept the message, even if it doesn’t make sense to you just yet, and know that more clarity will come in time.

8.) Take your piece of paper in front of the first candle and burn it while repeating “I am light”. Drop the paper into the bowl of water when it gets too hot. Repeat this for the next two papers, using the corresponding candle.

9.) Now sit with your hands in prayer position. Close your eyes and feel your beautiful energy radiating around you. See the blue light that has filled and nourished you. Feel the message you received about your past, present, and future. When ready, repeat this mantra or write your own:

“Thank you for now I am filled. Thank you for now I know the way. Light is within me, around me, and flows through me. I will spread light. I will be light. I am light.” 

 

Wow! Action. Mindset. Expression. Three powerful words, don’t you think?  Just glancing at these three words gets my wheels spinning! Action is required it we want to do something or change something; Mindset is needed to get that change rolling; and Expression is how it will all unfold and how it leads us to be the fullest expression of who we are meant to be. I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to doing this little ritual. Why? Oh, maybe because I am always delightfully intrigued and surprised at what shows up!

Darlings, may you always be guided by your heart, allow it to expand and radiate the light within, and may you allow it to guide you to inspire, love and serve!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC