The Disease to Please

“If you have to change the essence of who you are for people, then there is something seriously wrong with that scenario.”

Do I look OK? Am I dressed right? What will he/she think? Why can’t I just be me? What will they think if I pass? What will they think if  I cancel plans? Can I tell the truth? Am I OK? Am I smart enough? Does what I have to say matter? Are they going to think I’m too much? Should I say anything? Should I voice my opinion? What if I can’t bring myself to…? How will  it look if I…?

Sound familiar? It should. After all, these are but a few of a long list of the unhealthy, detrimental and  disempowering questions we tend to ask ourselves over and over again, throughout our life, when we have fallen ill with the disease to please. 

You all know what I’m talking about, right? We’ve all been there. We’ve all succumbed to the perils of insecurity, incessant  thinking/questioning and the often fatal opinion of others. We spend so much of our lives worrying about what other people will have to say about us that we expend unreasonable, unproductive and unhealthy amounts of time and energy being all things but the most important: ourselves.

Over time, all this worrying, pondering and ruminating just serve to cause dis-ease in the body as well as the feeling that we are inept and not enough. It leaves us questioning our worth and our value.

The thing about disease though- if we don’t address the root cause, it will just spread like a malignant tumor.

There comes a point in our lives- and I think it comes with wisdom and life experience (not just book smarts, looks and youth), that we need to periodically take a step back, regroup, reassess, redefine,  and re-establish that essential essence of the magic, divinity and sacredness of who we are. We aren’t here to play small, succumb to bullshit nor people pleasing. We are here to break free of the chains that bind us- the limited and outdated beliefs that hinder us- step into our power and glory, take a hard look in the mirror and proudly say, “This is who I am…I AM supported, connected, one with the power of the universe, love, truth, open to divine wisdom and one with the infinite all, my higher self and angelic guidance.” And so it is!

The thing is that another person’s opinion of us should not be our problem. It’s their problem, and it usually is their problem because of their own unresolved issues that need tending and addressing. We each need to address our own “stuff” and deal with it. We, and only we, can determine when is the time to put that heavy load down.

When we decide to rid ourselves of that heaviness, we open up the space to let the light in. We open up the space for us to look at our issues and deal with them head on by digging deep into all the dark places. Remember… the issues are in the tissues. I actually wrote a blog by that name a while back. Check it out if you think it may serve you.

If we continue to “choose” to carry that weight around, we can rest assured that it will take  a toll on our health. Sleepless nights, irritability, anxiety, depression, anger, rage, resentment, gastrointestinal ailments,  overeating, not eating, high blood pressure, distraction, impatience, headaches, migraines, substance abuse….and just about every other ailment that comes along with not living an authentically beautiful and meaningful life.

Given the times we are living in, and all the divisiveness, separation and brokenness we are seeing around us, we are all being called to be and to give more of ourselves. In a podcast I was listening to, Sheri Slata said something that hit it right on the mark. She said, “Your best contribution to the world is your own happiness.”

We can do so by sharing our reality from the inside out, not the other way around. By digging deep and exploring who we want to be. We can look at who we spend time with, who is our very own circle of influence, and examine our shared values. We can look at the integrity of the lives we are living and analyze if it is in alignment with such values. After all, when we are out of alignment- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually- our bodies will let us know.

It also helps to lean into our circle of friends, our community, sangha, and other trusted advisors to share our journey, tell our story and celebrate the many accomplishments that have brought us to where we are today. When we look back and connect the dots, we can see and appreciate how every single step was orchestrated to get us to where we are standing this very minute.

Where we’re standing may not be the exact place we’d like to be, but there is beauty in appreciating that as well.

Stand tall… and celebrate it all, my darlings!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

 

A New Guest Blogger

“Emotion has no price…
Love is free. “
by Lucy Del Gaudio
Some of my favorite lyrics from a John Waite song. But is Love really free? We speak about love in so many facets of life. We love our families. We love our friends. We love our work but do we really love for free, or is there some sort of cost for loving something or someone?
I once loved someone. I loved everything about this person. The way they talked. The way they engaged me in conversation. Their laugh. Their cheeky smile and gestures. Their passion for Art and Music. But I was more in love with the way I felt when I was around them?
It felt like the frst time you lay down in the grass, look up at the sky and watch the stars on a beautiful clear night. So why did I love them once, or can I still love them since they are technically not mine to love? So is this loving something at a cost? So all these years, was John Waite wrong? Love at a cost but it might, or sometimes, be free?
We define love in so many ways. With affection. With passion. So when I tell someone I love my Starbucks coffee, am I entering an affection relationship with it? Ha. I don’t think so but, sometimes, I swear it’s telling me it loves me back.
My once love is special to me because they were the first person I loved with a full heart. My first love. But when you read that statement, is your first love truly your first love? I often name my dad as my first love. God, do I love that man. He also broke my heart when he passed away in 1989. So back to love is free, not really. You love and cost – the broken heart- and shit has my heart been broken.
I affectionately call my husband “the spouse.” I love “the spouse” for so many reasons. Here’s a man, that entered a relationship with a person that has three kids and was completely- let’s say for a lack of better words- a fuck’n mess. He has managed to help me “un-mess” myself. That helped us, our family and, ultimately, made me a better person. He is also my favorite confidante, my concert partner, my sports talk, my biggest fan and my lover. Someone reading this could possibly say, “Wow, that’s perfect.”  But is it really? Sometimes, I question, is that enough? Is there a need for more love? Sometimes, my insecurities plague me and my self tells me,  “Yes, it’s enough.”  But at times, I have to question.
So, I come back to my once love. Do I still love them? Yes, I do. I will always love them at a cost. Do I love the spouse and love my children? Yes, I absolutely love them and it’s very free. Do I love Coffee – yes at a big cost cause Starbucks is damn fuck expensive.
So, Dear John Waite. I’ve changed your lyrics – “Emotion has no price and love is free with an occasional cost.”
Darlings, I met Lucy ages ago when we both worked for the Union City Board of Ed. While we do not see each other socially, we are friends on social media. I appreciate her posts, her love of music and concerts, the work she does with the Veterans, and I admire her for serving our country. It’s been an honor to be able to witness her physical transformation from afar- which could have only come form the inner transformational journey she’s been on. I even chuckle when she refers to her husband as “the spouse” when she writes about him. I think it’s cute!
Thank you, sister warrior Lucy, for such a fine and thought-provoking piece! Your journeys, experiences and adventures have had you doing some deep diving over the years, and I hope you will continue to guest blog! I am certain you have a whole lot to write about!!! What do you say, are you up to it? You have an open invitation to do so as often as you feel called to do so!
Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

The Energy of You

“The consciousness of ‘I AM’ pulsates through the entire universe. We attract what we are.” -Teresa Mann

Everything in life is energy.

In yoga class, we are often reminded that we are all made up of the same elements that make up everything else around us. We are moved by the same energetic forces that move the oceans, winds, the stars and keep the planets aligned. Just as the world operates in rhythms like the cycles of the sun, moon, tides and seasons, we do as well.

Yet, as much as we are alike, our internal operating systems are individually unique. And for some reason, it takes most of a lifetime to embrace and appreciate our uniqueness…unapologetically, that is.

While I was away, I was with a few friends one afternoon, and we were talking about how fluid and free today’s younger generation is and how many do not want to be labeled when it comes to their sexuality or sexual preferences. As I have grown older, wiser and more enlightened, I can so appreciate that mindset and subscribe to it as well.

More and more, we must remind ourselves that we are energy. We are spiritual beings housed in a physical form. Our egos, and the need to be in control, accepted or to fit in to what society deems appropriate, would like to keep us trapped within the confines of our physical body. However, we are so, so much more than that. We are all interdependent…connected heart to heart and soul to soul. We are pure consciousness and energy in motion!

I saw this quote that resonated greatly for me because it speaks to this notion of just being:

“Your true self has no gender, race, religion or nationality. It’s dimensionless being and infinite love.”

Wow! When we take a moment to analyze that, we can see the magnitude of our being-ness. Why should be want to be trapped in a box? It’s stifling and suffocating in that box!

On the other hand, when we embrace our vastness and limitless dimensional being that we are, we will attract that which we are, what we need, who we need, and when we need it. And when it comes to relationships, sexuality, or sexual preferences, we open ourselves up to being in an energetic relationship that exceeds gender, race, nationality, or religion. When we connect with someone, and feel that soul connection, it goes beyond our physical form, physical existence and the labeling that goes with it. When that happens, we are able to tap into pure consciousness and infinite possibilities. Now that is BIG!

Tapping into Source allows the Universe to rise up and meet us and our needs in unimaginable ways. When we tap into that powerful flow of energy, we connect to the essential knowledge that everything will unfold in divine order. This allows us to always feel safe, secure, guided and guarded. In doing so, we can become more aware of the subtle nuances that occur throughout our days and with each interaction we have with others. You never know…that new person we happen to encounter could very well be our next lover, partner, spouse, employer, or the help we need at a given time in our lives.

There have been times in my life that I’ve wondered how I was going to get through a difficult live event; but, when I’ve connected to the Divine Source, the help magically appeared or the situation magically resolved itself. Taking the time to notice just makes me more aware of how smoothly and carefully orchestrated my life is when I tap into that “I AM” energy. That energy is magical.  I am magical. We are all magical!

So… I invite you to take a few moments to sit quietly, ground, breathe and reflect on the following questions:

  1. What does it mean when all the parts of your life are flowing smoothly?
  2. What does that look like and how does it feel in your body?
  3. How does it feel in your heart?
  4. Are there areas in your life that are not flowing smoothly?
  5. If so, why do you think that is?
  6. Can you identify any beliefs that may attribute to you being stuck?
  7. Are there parts of you that you are undervaluing?
  8. Are there parts of you that undervalues others because of their beliefs or sexual preferences?
  9. In what ways do you connect with Source and what happens when you do so?

The work of inner investigation is a ground-up process. It’s a process that makes us look at, examine and deconstruct our limited beliefs.  It allows us to tap into that universal “I AM” intelligence that is so much greater than the beliefs we’ve inherited from society, family, our cultures, etc. It’s a process that energetically connects us all and is of great impact to those around us and the world at large.

Darlings, here’s to tapping into The Energy of You!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Privacy of Your Own Heart

“Your soul…that inner, quiet, empty space…is yours to consult. It will always guide you in the right direction.”

Hello my darlings!

As I was re-reading my last blog, The Never Enough Problem, I realized that I wanted to expand a bit more on the topic of comparison and that what truly matters along our journey.

As you are probably aware, there was a recent challenge on social media where people were posting pictures of themselves from 10 years ago as well as pictures of themselves now. In case you’re wondering…no, I did not partake. I just felt that it was some ego-driven activity which instead of being fun, probably caused a whole lot of anxiety, stress, discontent and self-loathing for many. Comparing photos, devoid of meaning and purpose, will just leave many of us feeling that we’re not enough, not good enough, etc., etc.. And we all know the unhealthy and unproductive places where that leads!

As I was looking at some of the pictures (which was extremely obvious that they had been “tinkered” with), I wondered what the message behind it all meant. What was the purpose? Was it something that made people feel better, or just raised the bar of comparison and distress to new heights? What’s with the use of filters of all kinds and an array of finishes that can make a 90 year-old face as smooth as a baby’s behind? Thanks, but no thanks….you can keep the “altered reality.”

Then I came across my friend Loriana’s post. She kind of expressed the thoughts that were in my head. Had she taken residency up in there? Her words echoed the thoughts that were swirling in my brain, but I had yet to make sense of them all. She went on to ask us, “Is this really what matters and defines us?” Good question! And if that wasn’t enough, she then she went on to say, “We criticize the advertising agencies about putting pressure on all of us for aging and body image issues…then we play along.” Aha…How very true! Let me not even get started on the 20 year olds in ads for “anti-aging” products. Hello….their skin is flawless because they are 20 not because of the use of a product “intended” for “mature” skin!!!!!! Like I said, don’t let me get started…that’s for yet another blog…wink, wink.

So back to Lori…she posed a better option which entailed some dynamite questions that I am going to share with you. After all, you know how much I love to share and how much I love questions and opportunities for reflection and journaling. Her questions were a perfect follow-up to my previous blog and speak to the issue of comparisons. And considering we just had a Super Blood Moon Eclipse, which is a perfect time for rituals, reflecting, meditating and journaling, I thought Loriana’s questions are spot on as we leave past energies behind and move onward.

But, in order to move onward, we must first move inward. Astrologers are encouraging us to use this new energy to go within and connect with ourselves. There is no better place than the privacy of your own heart to get some answers and clarity. We’re not going to get answers “out there” in social media fantasy world. Nope! It’s by tapping into our soul- the quiet and stillness within- that will always guide us in the right direction…OUR right direction.

So…if you are up for some soul-searching and tapping into the jewels and the wisdom that are housed in there, I invite you to set aside some time to look over Loriana’s questions, reflect on them and write away! These are meaningful and thought-provoking questions that will really put our lives and our soul’s  purpose in perspective. Thanks, Loriana (aka Princesa), for posting these great questions and encouraging us to Go about or day, slay our dreams and IGNORE what AGE we look and how we got there and instead LOOK WHERE WE ARE GOING!

  • How did you improve your Self over the last 10 years?
  • Did you find your SOUL PURPOSE?
  • Did you CHASE your dreams?
  • Did you CRUSH your goals?
  • Did you FIND your VOICE?
  • Did you determine, challenge and FIND YOUR STRENGTH?
  • Did you BUILD your CHARACTER?
  • Did you FIND COURAGE to so something you would not normally do or leave a situation that was toxic?
  • Did you MAKE MEMORIES?
  • Did you MAKE time for those you LOVE?
  • Did you MAKE a DIFFERENCE in someone’s life?
  • DID you ArmorUp for LIFE and transform your life through nutrition, fitness and lifestyle – to prepare for whatever illness comes your way?
  • Did you ArmorUp for LIFE  and find balance and the strength to be BRAVE and be the best version of yourself, so you can be prepared for the next challenge you face?

And, if I may add my two cents, after you answer these questions, go back and ask yourself HOW you went about doing the things you answered YES to. And for those in which you answered NO, as yourself, WHY NOT? My darlings, we need to keep digging, keep revealing!

This kind of work is what makes us BADASSES! It’s what keeps us moving. It’s what allows us to keep learning, loving and growing. It’s what gives us direction and builds resilience. It’s what gives us the inner fortitude and strength to face the never-ending multitude of challenges that come our way. It’s what allows us to live with intention, purpose, meaning, grace and gratitude.

Here’s to your magnificent and awesome Self!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

 

PS   ArmorUP is a movement created by Loriana Hernandez-Aldama and inspired by her passion to encourage wellness in others after her battle with Leukemia and a bone marrow transplant. She is a journalist  with more than 20 years of on-air television experience in TX, anchoring prime-time and morning news as well as reporting on a national and local level. Loriana also does speaking engagements and works tirelessly at encouraging us all to ArmorUP for Life. You can check out her work at http://www.armoruoforlife.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A-Z Good Living

“For today: Slow down and breathe. Feel your heart beating. Make it simpler. Even simpler than that. Inhabit the space  you are in. If it feels too constrictive let go of things. Clear it out. Give away and offer up the things that clutter your space. You are too precious and life is too short. “ -Christy Naida Linson

Tis the season for all things hurried, fast-paced, stressful, noisy, crowded and short-tempered. All we need to do is to look, sense, feel and hear it all around us. It’s like this “thing” closing in on us that oftentimes makes us jittery, anxious, unable to catch our breath, scattered and in need of “grounding.”

If you missed my last blog, Secrets of Inner Peace, you may want to check it out. There are 31 thoughts/affirmations/ actions that, with time and practice,  will become your modus operandi. Before you know it, you WILL feel grounded, able to breathe, feel your heart beating and be present wherever you are. You will find yourself getting out of your own way, letting go of the things that clutter your space and do not serve you and finally find yourself living YOUR precious life on YOUR terms.

Back in 2007, I received a lovely holiday card from a family I hold near and dear to my heart-The Belfattos. Deb Belfatto fought hard and was able to fulfill a dream and a promise to start the Susan G. Komen Northern Affiliate here in NJ. I love incorporating that card each year when I decorate. I’ve always held on to it because of the powerful, practical and inspiring messages it contains. They too  are thoughts/affirmations/actions we can all take to be more conscious, live more peacefully and appreciate our shared humanity. And since I cherish all things that inspire, love, serve, I will share with you these A-Z Good Living practices for doing so:

  • Accept Differences
  • Be kind
  • Count your blessings
  • Dream
  • Express thanks
  • Forgive
  • Give freely
  • Harm no one
  • Imagine more
  • Jettison anger
  • Keep confidences
  • Love truly
  • Master something
  • Nurture hope
  • Open your mind
  • Pack lightly
  • Quell rumors
  • Reciprocate
  • Seek wisdom
  • Touch hearts
  • Understand
  • Value truth
  • Win graciously
  • Xemplify kindness
  • Yearn for peace
  • Zealously support a worthy cause

There you have it, darlings. Short and sweet. So, when we’re out and about this holiday season and our patience is being tried… we can, as the lovely Christy Naida says, slow down our breathing and feel our heart beat. We can consciously choose to tap into one of these practices, contemplate them, and put them into action. Trust me, you will feel the stress just melt off your shoulders, your shallow breathing will become deeper, your scowl will turn into a smile, your constricted heart will open and you will consciously choose to inhabit the space you are in. This is how we take our yoga practice off the mat and into the world. We can all mindfully allow ourselves (and those around us) to truly see, feel and hear each other and appreciate the magic that is all around us… with reverence and gratitude for the precious life we have been given.

Carry on darlings…lead from the heart…right from the start, and make this day, and every day, a good one!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC