“Grief does not change you. It reveals you. “
Let’s talk about grief, my darlings. As we all know, there are many different types of grief that have nothing to do with the death of an actual person. Grief encompasses the ending of many things; however, in today’s blog I will be going over some pointers to help you to normalize the grief you feel when someone has died.
Let’s first start with the obvious. Despite the fact that there are many organizations that are considered death positive, we overwhelmingly live in a death phobic culture. We see it all around us- from the boardrooms to the beauty industry. We can also see the stoicism that some people display despite them having newly experienced what may have been a devastatingly tragic death of a loved one.
Why? Well… we can probably state the obvious: grief can be seen as a taboo topic. How can we shift that mindset? By being open and discussing loss and the emotions that come along with it. Grief can be isolating, and talking about grief openly can make people feel less alone.
Removing expectations for your grief is helpful as well. I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying that everyone grieves differently. Essentially, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What works for one person may not for another. What we are looking at here are societal expectations that really do not serve us in the long run. Neither do self-imposed expectations. Allowing for your own individual process to unfold naturally is the key!
You know how we sometimes do things that make us feel uncomfortable because we don’t want someone else to feel uncomfortable? Grief is another area where we see this play out. Remember, you do not have to hide your pain or pretend to be okay. As a matter of fact, being authentic about your own grief actually normalizes it and invites deeper connection with others. Masking your grief to make others feel uncomfortable does not help or serve anyone!
I’ve often said that healing is like a rollercoaster ride. It’s a journey filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It certainly has it’s ups and downs to say the least. But the thing that is key is to give yourself grace when emotions resurface and reminding yourself that grief is not linear.
Since everyone does grief differently, and grief is not linear, it’s time we ditch the timelines. The truth of the matter is that there is no “right” amount of time to grieve. What is called for here is patience! Be patient with yourself and others as healing takes time, and that is okay!
Don’t tell yourself, “I should be over this by now” or minimize your feelings. All your emotions are valid and deserve the space to exist and be felt. Anger, sadness, guilt, regret, relief, joy- these are all part of the process. Avoid gaslighting your own grief. Remember, grace and no judgement!
Here is one of my favorites: cancel plans when you need to. Grief can be overwhelming, especially for highly sensitive people. If there is anything we’ve learned given the times we are living, and the immense collective grief we are experiencing, is that it is perfectly okay to prioritize your mental health and well-being by stepping back when needed. What other people think is there business and none of yours!
One of the hardest things to do, especially if you consider yourself to be the go-to person, the fixer, is simply to be without fixing. I know, that’s a difficult one for some of us, and it is a skillset that takes practice. While we may believe that grief needs solutions, it doesn’t. Grief needs acknowledgement. Sometimes, just sitting with someone and listening can mean the most!
It’s also important to honor the loss no matter how “big” or “small.” Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a pet, or a dream, your grief is valid. Every loss deserves to be acknowledged and honored. Remember, allow yourself grace!
While grief has no timeline, and it’s not linear, it also doesn’t just vanish. On the contrary, grief evolves over time. For me personally, I feel that time has allowed me to grow more expansive and therefore have the capaciousness to hold my grief and joy. Allowing room for people to talk about their loved ones down the road is a sign of love, not lingering pain!
The last, and very important, factor for normalizing grief is to seek support from friends, family or professionals. Advocate for therapy as a helpful tool. Joining a support group or therapy can provide tools and community for navigating your grief. Normalize asking for help!
I hope you find these pointers useful, and I encourage you to share them as you see fit. These too are conversation starters that can, and will, pave the way to better facilitate having conversations around death and dying and one’s mortality. Let’s be the change and shift the way death is viewed and spoken about with our friends and family!
I also encourage you to reflect on everything you just read and perhaps do a little journaling. Check in with your body. Take a few deep, slow breaths. Feel your connection to the earth. What feelings are you experiencing in your body right now? What are you grieving?
If you would like more resources, visit http://www.goingwithgrace.com
Much gratitude for your time and presence, and remember to be the light, spread the love, and be a blessing.
Sending Full Moon blessings your way! JT Carricarte
Inspire Love Serve 