The Never Enough Problem

“Give thanks for everything that you are and everything that you have- that’s the first step toward discarding a scarcity mentality.” -Wayne Dyer

The above quote is from the Wayne Dyer calendar that my dear girlfriend and soul sister, Maureen, gave me for Christmas. I love all things Wayne Dyer! I love lighting my morning candle that sits on my altar and tearing the page to see that day’s quote. It’s become a morning ritual as I take a few deep breaths and let the message land.

It just so happens that I had just started reading Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, and the first chapter is on scarcity. And at breakfast with some of my yoga sisters, we were talking about abundance vs. attachment to money and the times we’ve worried about “not having enough.” Talk about synchronicity! Right then and there I knew I had to write a blog on this unfortunate epidemic that seems to get more and more prevalent in our culture. As Ms. Brown notes in the book, “Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.” 

Wow! When I read that line I paused. Whew… how true! There are three components that she attributes as the source of scarcity, but more on that later. First, I want to give you a little food for thought via a section of Lynne Twist’s book, The Soul of Money, which Ms. Brown shared in her book:

For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of…Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of lack…This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, lives at the very heart of our jealousies, our greed, our prejudice, and our arguments with life.

I saw Lynne Twist on an episode of Super Soul Sunday where she was talking about the aforementioned bookSome of the things she spoke about really stuck with me. She stated that when we live in a “not enough” mentality, every aspect of our lives play into a toxic myth of scarcity, and then it results into a deficient relationship with ourselves. She further went on to say that, if we buy into it, we create it and end up accumulating more than we need for fear of not having enough. The end result is that we succumb to the three toxics myths: there’s not enough; more is better; it’s just the way it is and there’s nothing we can do about it.

According to Ms. Twist, the flip side of the scarcity mentality is that we learn to let go of the chase, addiction, and pathology which is part of the culture we live in and instead nourish, love and share what we already have. When we do so, what we already have expands. As we learn to shift our mentality, we learn the power of true prosperity- sharing, serving and contributing. We yearn to make a difference in our lives.

I don’t know about you, but there was a time in my life where it was my norm to operate from a place of  lack and not having enough. Can you relate? And let’s face it, social media has only exacerbated this problem for many of us. Studies have shown that more and more people and children of all ages feel depressed, inadequate and “not good enough” as a result of this illusion of “perfection” that people on social media put out there. It’s a dynamic that is playing out on all levels of our society and culture. How exhausting!!!

And exhausted was precisely how I felt many years ago! That is, until I started cultivating the wonderful and magical practice of gratitude. The more I read about gratitude and how it rewires our brains and makes new connections, the lighter, happier, fulfilled and peaceful I felt. The more I approached life from a place of abundance, as opposed to a place of lack, the more that showed up.

It’s been my experience that operating from a place of scarcity just perpetuates more of that in our lives. Conversely, the more we operate from a place of gratitude, love, wealth and abundance, and keep that circulating in our lives, more of it shows up. The key, I’ve found, is to take a moment to pause and notice when, and how, love, wealth and abundance show up and express thanks. Darlings, gratitude is a beautiful and life-altering thing!

It also helps to surround ourselves with”like-minded” people who also operate from this point of view. The moment we change or alter our perspective or, as our beloved Wayne Dyer used to say, “Change the way you look at things at the things you look at change,” things can’t help but to change. You can take that to the bank! As with all things change-related, it all starts with choices.

We have the power to choose. We must be discerning, methodical and mindful of our thoughts and how they relate to our choices and our soul’s purpose. And, as we make different choices, we start to reshape our lives, the lives of people around us and the different groups we belong to.

The beauty in it is that, once we are on the other side of the scarcity mentality, the more peaceful and fulfilled we feel. We become even more grounded and grateful when we see ourselves in others as their lives play out in the unhealthy ways ours used to. And to think of how fatiguing it all is! We can relax in the knowingness that there is always enough. We can put down the shame, the comparison and the disengagement that perpetuates the never enough problem. By the way, shame, comparison and disengagement are the three components of scarcity Brené Brown refers to.

Here’s are some of  Lynne Twist’s words I jotted down from the Super Soul Episode that will hopefully resonate for all of us or, at best, get us  thinking more deeply on the subject of scarcity, not having enough and our attachment to money:

“The yearning to make a difference in life is what everyone wants. Money flows, just like water…and when you hold on to it, it stagnates and becomes toxic. Let it carry our intent, our love…direct the flow with soulful purpose and you will feel vibrant and alive. It’s an expression of who you are: True Prosperity.”

By looking at all our bountiful blessings, celebrating them, identifying our accomplishments, the gifts of our friendships, the love of our friends and family, the generosity of spirit of others as well as ourselves, the beauty of nature and the presence of our pets, the amazing organizing power of our universe and the cosmos, being aware  and expressing thanks for the myriad and divine ways love, wealth and abundance show up in our lives, we cannot help but to feel “full” and prosperous. We cannot help but to share our True Prosperity with others in both minute and magnificent ways. This, my darlings, is when we truly experience the “great fullness” of our lives.

What do you say we all commit to banishing the never enough problem from our lives? Let’s all free ourselves with healthy doses of love, gratitude and service and watch what we appreciate, appreciate!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

Overflowing With Gratitude

“Find just one thing that you feel grateful for right now and let that gratitude pour through your body. It’s a healing balm, like the warmth of the sun.” -Tosha Silver

Right now, it’s hard to pinpoint just one thing I am grateful for because my heart is still overflowing with gratitude post-birthday celebrating. I’m even grateful for burning the candles at both ends and being sick for two weeks post all the celebrations! If gratitude is a healing balm like the warmth of the sun, then I’ve been scorched! What can I say?

Welcome to my world! As a self-proclaimed gratitude junkie, I am ALWAYS finding gratitude and IN ALL WAYS…from the minuscule to the monumental. It’s simply a way of life for me. Throughout the light-filled, as well as dark times of my life, I find gratitude in each of those moments. Why? Because it fills my heart with joy and it keeps my nervous system happy. I guess you can say that my gratitude practice is one of my non-negotiables. It’s a ritual that keeps me fueled, joyous and humbled regardless on the circumstances that may be occurring around me or in my life. It’s a practice that allows me to  find the light, stay in the light and be the light.

As a result, I seem to have surrounded myself with brilliant light beings…some whom I’ve known forever, some whom I’ve met along the way and others whom have been recently  dropped into my universe. And it is because of these beautiful beings in my life, that I celebrated my “journey to 60” again and again, and in different ways this past October. It was of utmost importance for me to celebrate the beautiful light beings in my life. It’s all about the celebrations, darlings. It’s about always finding ways to celebrate life!

Between birthday lunches and brunches, a karma yoga class that was “designed” to inspire, love and serve, a celebratory dinner complete with Cuban comfort food, and then a 60 for 60 birthday bash dance party, I found myself at a loss for words. All I could do was “feel.” And what I felt was profound!

It took a while to process, but it felt like generations of love and gratitude pulsing through my veins. Generations of legacies left behind flowing through my heart and coming out front and center. There were times where I so strongly felt the presence and pride of my spirit family. Those who sacrificed, cleared the path and paved the way for me, who made it possible for me to be alive and become who I am today: a masterpiece AND a work in progress.

The culmination of all the festivities was the birthday bash, where all the people who’ve been a significant part of my journey to 60 were gathered under one roof. I felt like I was atop the mountain of 60 looking out at the people whom I most wanted to celebrate for their presence in my world. There are not enough words that could not adequately describe the gratitude, love and joy I felt on this most special and beautiful occasion. My heart was, and is still, overflowing  with gratitude. And, I must admit, it’s all a bit overwhelming.

For days leading up to the birthday bash, I reflected on everyone who would be gathered together, and I was humbled by the thought of the many blessings, much love and overwhelming wealth and abundance that show up in my daily life by way of my various vibe tribes: my longtime friends, my Lovelies, my Yayas, my Circle of Sacred Soul Sisters, my Pseudo-daughters, my Shopping Partners in Crime, my Sangha, my adopted Mother Yaya, my Goddesses, my Mama Bear and Papa Bear, my sister/mother/friends who were there in spirit, and family members whom have entertained all my fanciful whims over the years since what were apparently my early days of “Mama Yaya in training.” All I kept thinking to myself was, how can one person be so lucky?

Gratitude, that’s how! Unconditional love, that’s how! Stepping into the legacy my parents left for me, that’s how! Spreading love and kindness, being love, sharing love, being the light and seeing the light in others, that’s how! Celebrating others, that’s how! Proclaiming yourself a gratitude junkie, that’s how! I kept hearing my mama’s voice in my ears, telling me, You are reaping what you have sown…That’s how!

As I further reflected, I realized it wasn’t about the number of people in my life or gathered under one roof, or the number I could have had if space and money allowed, but it was about the QUALITY of my friends/family/relationships: their integrity, character, respect, kindness, compassion, open heart, generosity of spirit, sense of humor, outpouring of unconditional love and acceptance, inclusiveness, intimate friendship, un-wavering support, and the sacred space we all hold for each other during the happy, sad, pretty, ugly, nice and messy times of our lives.

My oldest friend, Ileana, whom I’ve known since I’m four years old, gave a beautifully touching and spontaneous toast, as did another long time friend of mine, Barbara, who had us all in stitches. And boy did I laugh at the Limerick my cousin’s wife, Sheryl Ann,  wrote for me. She’s also known me since I was five. Throughout all of this, as I looked out atop my place on the mountain of 60, I realized their toasts and memories pretty much summed up my evolution on this journey to 60. And on some very deep, emotional level, I felt like the child who always wanted to make people happy, be seen, recognized and validated.

That afternoon, especially after Ileana’s spontaneous toast, I felt seen, and I had to thank her for seeing me. I don’t think I’ve ever uttered the words thank you for seeing me. She saw me in ways I had never even seen myself as I was growing up, and I had to express my deep gratitude for doing so. Which leads me to these questions:

  • Have you ever thanked someone for seeing you?
  • Have you ever been thanked for seeing someone?

It’s powerful stuff. Give it a try….you may just surprise yourself with the mind-boggling and breathtaking  feelings and memories that come up for you. I think it’s both a gift to ourselves and the other person when we express being seen. I know I’m going to be more mindful and intentional in expressing the words “I see you” and “thank you for seeing me” to others as I continue on my journey.

And speaking of journeys, when all was said and done, parties over, tears shed and laughs shared, we realize that’s all a part of life. Our lives are made up of moments, and what we do with those moments is what counts, inspires,  touches lives and what creates our legacy. There will always be the light and the dark, but it’s important to find your tribe and create joy in each of these moments, and ALWAYS make and take the time to CELEBRATE LIFE….always and in all ways. Remember, we are all simultaneously masterpieces and works of art progress. Now carry on!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC / Mama Yaya