Tag: Life Lessons

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A Revolution

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard

“I doubt that anyone on their deathbed wished they had spent more time at work, on social media or holding grudges or feeling resentful. Your time and your energy are the currency of your life. How do you spend them?” Terri Brown

Greetings darlings!

I came across a brilliant piece on IG the other day that I will share with you at the end of this blog. It really called to me. Just reading and re-reading it is a meditation and a revolution in and of itself. And the quote above, which I saw in my lovely acupuncturist’s office, reminded me of some of the journaling I had done in Costa Rica while on my recent yoga retreat. I also felt it would be a nice counterpart to the piece at the end.

We are living in new times, there’s a sense of awakening and shifting in the collective consciousness that is taking place, and we are all participants in it. Some of us are doing it willingly, and others are having some difficulty with it. Nevertheless, we are all here to take part in the awakening of humanity and the ascension of our most beautiful and precious Earth.

As Marianne Williamson remarked in a podcast I was listening to the other day, “Our life is a platform.” I totally agree with it! We do not have to be a celebrity or a mogul to affect change. We do so in the ordinary way we go about our lives.  Whether it is through our jobs, careers, professions, hobbies or simply the way we conduct ourselves everyday. We are either presenting ourselves with a heart wide open or one that is closed…..closed to all the possibilities, magic and miracles that are always swirling around us and accessible to all… closed to our greatness, light, magnificence and purpose.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I was here for a purpose. Like many of us, it took me quite sometime to figure that out. I always loved talking to people, felt like a peace and love junkie and that I was part of something much greater…something I couldn’t name. But once I figured it out, I realized I was put here to inspire, love, serve. It’s how I want to live out my days. My time and energy are indeed the currency of my life, and I intend to use them wisely.

It is my deepest belief that we can all employ this mentality. The precursor to it is to lead from the heart…right from the start. We can’t go wrong with this philosophy because we come from a place of Love in doing so. We come from a place of truth. We come from a place of an innate knowing that we are part of that something which is much greater than all of us. A greatness we need to embrace wholeheartedly, own and act from it. We are amazing light beings in a miraculous symphony called A Revolution.

The cracks in our society, all the injustices and atrocities that are being exposed these days, and the light that is starting to come through as a result, via the modern-day awakened beings and agents of change of all ages, are shifting our perspective and we are seeing that all good is rooted in the principle of Love. We are the activists we have been waiting for. As Michael Kahn writes in is book, Whatever Arises Love That, “We have chosen to incarnate at a time when the entire planet is undergoing the process of awakening to fulfill the prophecies of every awake being who came before us.” 

I had to read and reread that line several times before I read any further. We’ve always had the prophets, the sages, activists and the change makers for centuries. However, we are these modern-day sages and light beings. Wow! Do we have a enormous responsibility, or what? What an honor to be following in the footsteps of all the light beings, sages,  carriers of wisdom and change makers who have paved the way for us.  I find it utterly humbling! When I take the time to sit with this notion, it connects me to the great love and sense of passion and purpose that beats widely in my heart.

And speaking of my heart, I guess that is why I am sharing this beautifully written piece by Julia Myers with you. Wild Woman Sisterhood had posted it and, when I read this precious work of art, it stirred that love, purpose and passion that resides in my heart. I suppose that is how this particular blog came to be.

I invite you to center yourself, allow yourself to land and arrive, and enjoy the read:

“The old threads are unraveling,
Get your needles ready.
We are stitching a new quilt
of humanity.

Bring your old t-shirts,
worn out jeans, scarves,
antique gowns, aprons,
old pockets of plenty
who have held Earth’s treasures,
stones, feathers, leaves,
love notes on paper.

Each stitch
A mindful meditation.
Each piece of material
A story.

The more colour the better,
so call in the tribes.
Threads of browns, whites,
reds, oranges
Women from all nations
start stitching.

Let’s recycle the hate, the abuse,
the fear, the judgment.
Turn it over, wash it clean,
ring it out to dry.
It’s a revolution
of recycled wears.

Threads of greens, blues, purples
Colourful threads
of peace, kindness,
respect, compassion
are being stitched
from one continent to the next
over forests, oceans, mountains.

The work is hard
Your fingers may bleed.
But each cloth stitched together
Brings together a community.
A world, our future world
Under one colourful quilt.
The new quilt of humanity.”

—Julia Myers

Pause….breathe…observe….feel! Remember, your time and energy are the currency of your life. How are you spending them?

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

PS: Please check back on Wednesday for a special guest blogger. It has been my deepest desire to motivate some of the people in my life to try their hand at blogging. You know what you know, and one thing I know for sure is that we all have a story to tell and people to inspire. Sometimes, someone has to nudge, cajole and even push them into seeing it….any idea whom that person may be? Just sayin’…… 

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Beach Bum Bliss

“Like seashells, we are beautiful and unique each with a story to tell.”

Sea shells, turquoise and sea-foam green waters, bronzed and glowing skin, sun bleached hair, freckles and the scent of Bain De Soleil Orange Gelee SPF, layered on top Coconut oil and Australian Gold SPF with instant bronzer… Ahhhh! A serene ocean setting and layering tricks for that perfect tan…. hey, layering products is the key to achieving that bronzed goddess look! Just make sure you slather all that on BEFORE heading out in the sun and BEFORE putting on a bathing suit. Throw in a good trashy beach novel and voila….total bliss!

Why is it that everything, EVERY thing, EVERY accessory, and EVERY piece of clothing looks better when we have that sun-kissed look? If you are a beach bum, like yours truly, then you know exactly what I am talking about. However, even a Beach Bum should know when to curtail the sun bathing, right? Operative word here, “should.”

Can you believe I actually had an appointment with the dermatologist on the heels of having been away for over three weeks? What was I thinking?!?!?!? As I sat in the waiting room, I realized it was NOT the ideal time to be seen by a dermatologist. Ooops! We had a good laugh though because she shared how, on occasion, her mom tells her how pale she looks, and asks her if she’s feeling OK. Case in point!

I truly admire how healthy, pale, ivory skin looks on some women. On me? I just can’t seem to do it for very long. Now having said that, like many of my fellow sun worshipers out there, I am paying the price for a lifetime of sun worshiping…wrinkles, loss of elasticity, and sun spots. Ughhh! As a matter of fact, whenever I see young girls with beautiful milky skin today, I urge them to stay out of the sun!!!! Now THAT is something I would have NEVER thought that I would EVER succumb to saying. Ah, the wisdom of the ages!

Years ago, I even tried staying out of the sun for a bit. This Beach Baby even sported long sleeves and long pants at the beach! My cousins thought I had lost my mind. For a while, I embraced that “pale” look.  I “learned” to embrace it, used exceptional facial creams and maintained a wonderful skin care regimen and was actually “OK” with it. Until…….I bought my Florida Sanctuary. Oh dear! I call it my “falling off the reformed, sun worshiper wagon”…..done and done!

These days, I no longer put in 10 hour days in the sun like I used to back in the day; however, I do allow myself to enjoy whatever time I have in the sun! Even if it’s for two hours, I bask in it while reading a fascinating novel and sporting a cute bathing suit, sun hat, sandals, beach cover up and perhaps even sipping a little bubbly on occasion (or a poolside cocktail). AND… lots and lots of water. Water is my all time favorite! You can also find me writing poetry and journaling while I am at the beach. That’s when I feel the most creative and inspired.

There’s some sort of magic that occurs when I’m at the beach, swimming at the pool or just working on my tan. Walking alongside the beach, or even riding a bike there, is blissful. It’s like a meditation in action. Just as I can read or write, swim or walk, I can just as well be silent and in tune to the sights, sounds and stillness around me. And lets not forget the people watching and occasional parade of lifeguards doing their morning routines…..hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little eye candy now and then!

If I could, I would swim every day! It soothing to feel that connection of oneness with the water. It’s mesmerizing! Right stroke, left stroke, right stroke-head tilt and breathe…left stroke, right stroke, left stroke-head tilt and breathe….when I fall into that rhythm, I just glide. I feel like a fish, a manatee, even a mermaid! Hmmmm!

Speaking of mermaids, I saw  a lovely quote by Anais Nin that made me stop, chuckle and ponder: “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depth & a great fear of shallow living.”

Can you relate? Time spent in contemplation and delving deep within is never wasted. Neither is honest, soulful and meaningful conversation. What matters is finding that place and time for doing so. Whether it is at the beach, in your yard, in the shower or in the comfort of your own designated sacred space, the important thing to remember is that we are all unique and have our own stories to tell. Sometimes they are funny and light, other times they are deep and dark. Regardless, we can all embrace our uniqueness and the stories that arise when we are transported to our magical, blissful, happy place.

Do you have any stories you would like to tell? If so, get them out there! You never know who may be influenced, impacted and inspired by what you have to share.

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

 

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Embrace the Teacher Within

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” -Albert Einstein

Can we agree that we are all students here on “Earth School?” Can we agree that we are all teachers on earth school as well? This is a beautiful conversation we can have with ourselves and the fellow students and teachers in our lives.

Just yesterday one of my friends and I were having such conversation over brunch. Remember, the best and juiciest conversations can be had over a delicious meal!  My friend and I acknowledged how we’ve each learned from each other throughout some of our challenging times and how we freely and openly dance between the roles of teacher and student. As the Buddha stated, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” How true is that!

As with all things that are divinely timed, I was listening to a meditation this morning that spoke about the people and experiences that move us and truly inspire us. The meditation encouraged us to ask ourselves what is it about these people or experiences that make us feel this way. I came up with a few questions of my own that I’d like to share with you in case you’re interested in pausing and taking some time to reflect:

  • Who are the people who are inspiring you these days?
  • How do they inspire you?
  • What insight(s) have you gained from them?
  • Have you been prompted to take on a new course of action?
  • Have you experienced a shift in perspective?
  • What challenges have been your greatest teacher?

Earth school always brings us people, circumstances and situations to learn from. A lot of the learning comes form the exchange of information we have when we take part in meaningful conversations with others. Conversations that allow us to express our insight, questions our motives, speak our truth, share our wisdom and embrace new ways of looking at things. It goes beyond complaining and having the same meaningless, dead-end conversations that leave us feeling empty and without purpose – or angry and frustrated that we wasted our precious energy.

A really powerful conversation we can have is the one with our Self. Why? Because we also have the power to inspire and influence others. If you have not embraced the teacher within, then it’s about time you do! There was a line in the meditation that said, “Within all of us lies a wonderful teacher, a soul that greatly inspires others to seek the highest good and to engage fully in life, merely by expressing our authentic self.” 

  • Have you embraced your authentic self?
  • Have you embraced the teacher within?
  • What insight or inspiration can you share with others?
  • What are some valuable lessons you’ve learned that you can pass on if given the opportunity?
  • How can you creatively share your wisdom, insight and gifts with others?
  • Are you open to receiving wisdom from others with openness, love and joy?
  • How can you embrace and live the fullest expression of who you are?

My darlings, there are many colorful and creative ways that we can express our ideas, insights, and  teachings with others as the day is long. I encourage you to not only embrace the teacher within, but let your inner teacher come out and play!  As long as we are here on earth school, we are creating every moment of our life in everything that we do or say. Color outside the lines ( which is something I love to do) and be passionately creative!

Whether you all realize it or not, you are allowing me to embrace my teacher within by sharing my love of writing. I appreciate the time you take to read my blogs, perhaps comment on them, and even share them with other people in your life. I’m humbled at the bloggers who have found me, for I only recently discovered the world of blogging and haven’t yet delved into it as much as I would like. I’m beyond grateful for the opportunity to inspire, love, and serve you in ways that move and inspire you to do the same. Infinite love and gratitude from my heart to yours! xo

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

 

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When Bad Stuff Happens

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways; either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” – Dalai Lama

Bad stuff  happens to good people. Bad stuff happens to bad people. Bad stuff happens.  Period. And when bad stuff happens, we either fall, or we rise. We either weaken in the face of fear and uncertainty or become strong in the name of love and hope. What would you prefer to do?

Challenging, difficult, painful and heart-wrentching times remind us of what is really important in our lives. It’s a basic tenet of the privilege of being alive. When we take a bird’s-eye view of things, we can see a common thread running through the hardest times – the worst times bring out the best in us. The key, is to have an open heart and to be grateful for the teachings, lessons and blessings these times are bestowing upon us.

Just take a look at everything swirling around in our country and in the world today. I think we can all agree there’s a whole lot of darkness and bleakness that, if we allow it to consume us, will swallow us up entirely. It  will destroy us unless we tap into our inner fortitude and rise above it. We must take action, be patient, steadfast, and wholeheartedly bring our understanding into the world along with our compassion and empathy.

In spite of all the darkness, we can see the light in the cracks that are starting to happen more and more. We see how people are stepping up, coming together for a common good and/or a common purpose. We can look back at tragedies that have occurred throughout history and see the good that ultimately came of it. Destruction must occur in order to rebuild. When bad stuff happens, change occurs. Change that must occur if we are to move humanity forward. And that collective energy that moves us forward is the collective consciousness that is on the rise. We each play a vital role in it, so this is’t a time to lose hope or fall into despair.

We can look at hope and strength as two pillars that build resiliency. During the darkest of times in our lives, hope and strength allow us to keep going…to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And I am not implying that we not allow ourselves to feel pain and sorrow for, if we didn’t, we’d be unfeeling and unloving creatures. Pain affirms that we are alive, that we love, that we are loved, that we are human, that we matter, that we all have pain, and that we all suffer. During these times, we can feel the interconnectedness of a shared humanity.

Challenging times are the greatest teachable moments should we choose to look at them in that light. It’s a time to affirm that we are powerful beyond measure, and tap into that knowingness. It’s when we dig deep, we feel deeply, love harder, and challenge ourselves to rise above…..to empower ourselves with that sense of hope and inner fortitude and be grateful that we have the skills, tools, loved ones and resources to guide and support us. This isn’t a time for self-destructive habits to consume us – for it is the antithesis of self-love, self-respect and self-care. I would hope that we all have people around us that would throw us a life-line if they saw us falling into self-destructive habits. Be grateful if you do. And be sure to hold on to that lifeline should you ever need it!

Here’s a little affirmation /  prayer for you from the May You Know Joy Meditations for Everyday Living book/cards.

May You Know Power

May you know your own power. This power comes from standing firmly in your truth and expressing yourself in the world from that place. It is not about the ego and is never about minimizing others to achieve this. In fact, power comes from recognizing that lessons are constantly presenting themselves to you. Look at every person and event as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your values. These are the seeds of your own self-love, self-respect and empowerment.

Yeah, bad stuff happens, but I am here to remind you that your are powerful beyond measure!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

PS- I will be on holiday this month and disconnecting from social media as much as I can, so my blogs will publish only on Wednesdays throughout the month of March. I will be “defrosting” and allowing the waves to nourish and infuse me with inspiration xo

 

 

 

 

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Let Your Love Shine

“Do not chase love, choose love. Do not need love, share love. Do not fear love, embrace love. Do not seek love, become love.” -Creig Crippen

Darlings, this will be the last blog for the month of February, and it brings us to the conclusion of Ten Thoughts for Whole Living. I hope that, over the course of these past several weeks, you’ve found Ten Thoughts useful in some way, shape or form. I am a firm believer in that whatever we need shows up at precisely the time we need it most. Like the saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” This is one of my favorite quotes that I’ve learned to love and embrace over the years!

Don’t be fooled though, the teacher isn’t always a person. Many times the teacher could be horrible working conditions, unimaginable horrors, tragedies, world events, social injustices, atrocities,….and the list goes on. And, unless we are behind closed doors with someone, we never know exactly what they are going through at that particular moment in time. As a matter of fact, I am still blown away when someone shares how a particular blog was exactly what they needed on a given day. It’s serves as a reminder that everyone is fighting their own battle. Most times, we would not know that from looking at someone, especially if they are faking it until they make it. Sometimes, all we can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one breath and one moment at a time…..and let our love shine!

That is why it is so important to nurture ourselves with love. Stressful times call for stressful measures. Measures that soothe our soul, excite our spirits and give us hope. Hope that we will come out the other end standing taller than before. When we love and nurture ourselves, we can handle the tough times a little easier. It’s a skill we’ve cultivated along the way. We’ve learned to laugh out loud, with others and at ourselves. It brings a little fun into our lives, and we can all use more fun and laughter!

So on this last day in February, I leave you with the last of Ten Thoughts on Whole Living. I hope they’ve enriched the quality of your life and your love of Self!

  • Stress can push your internal resources to the breaking point. Make time to unwind.
  • Your core supports the whole body. Explore ways to keep it strong.
  • Just because a task is important doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.
  • Missteps are part of any process. Stay focused on where you’re headed.
  • Cultivate the art of knowing when to move on.
  • Don’t shrug off compliments; honor and remember them.
  • Resist the urge to overanalyze every experience. Live each moment instead.
  • Generous acts are more than simple gestures. They’re a way of life.
  • Let pleasure expand your perspective.
  • Make this the day you stop dreaming and start doing.

Darlings, remember to choose, share, and embrace love… and let your love shine!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

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Hello Love

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart” – Confucius

Hello Loves! Over the past few weeks, I have been sharing Ten Thoughts on Whole Living with you. I believe that each one of those thoughts / affirmations / power statements are ways we can treat ourselves with a little more tender loving care. They are ways for us to open the door and say, “Hello Love” in ways that no one else can do for us. Why? Because we are the ones holding ourselves accountable.

When we become accountable to ourselves and for the love we give ourselves, a major shift occurs in our psyches, body language, actions and outlook on life. We become more grounded, confident, skillful, vibrant, jovial, aware, alive and have a zest for life….joie de vivre!  No one, or nothing, can disturb our peace regardless of whatever madness is hovering above and waiting to make landfall. There is a sense of steadfastness and undisturbed equanimity that come with loving ourselves and owning it. At least that’s how I can personally best describe it.

We’ve all looked for love in the wrong places. Why? Because society and consumerism have brainwashed us into thinking that love is something we can only find outside ourselves…like lasting happiness and peace. We now know better. We have the tools, practices, resources and life experiences to show us the way back to our true Self. THIS is where love resides…..Hello Love!

We are now better equipped and more knowledgable than our parents, grand-parents and past generations. We’ve learned to fall, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and forge ahead. And no one better stand in our way! Like the saying goes, “Everything you need to know is already inside of you.” Now THAT is something I wish I would have told my younger self!

Here are some more Ten Thoughts on Whole Living that you can explore, work with, act on, and use along your journey. As Maya Angelou said, “When we know better, we do better.” Can I get an Amen?

  • When you commit your dreams to paper, you give them a place to take root.
  • Be mindful of where you put your attention. The shape of your life will follow.
  • When you view your health as a non-negotiable, your priorities naturally shift.
  • Positive change starts with truth, and no one knows it better than you.
  • You’re more than just what you do for others.
  • Before you react to an emotion, first consider the source.
  • Learning to let go begins with understanding why you’ve been hanging on.
  •  Do more than understand stress reduction; put it into practice.
  • There’s no way to grow without taking a few risks.
  • Setting boundaries doesn’t keep others out. It defines where your life begins.

Carry on darlings!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

 

 

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Finding Your Passion

“What lights you up more fervently than anything else in your life? Listen to whatever immediately comes to you – these are the signs leading you to your true passion, your heartfelt desire and ultimately, your destiny”  -Desire & Destiny Meditation Series

 

Some of the things that show up in our lives aren’t all warm and fuzzy. These are the hard lessons that oftentimes break us open, bring us to our knees and leave us in an extremely vulnerable state. A state that can be such a blessing when all is said and done. It’s been my experience that the more I’ve been brought to my knees, and have been broken open, the more that my heart expands and blossoms. Being in that vulnerable space allows for our hearts to blossom like a ten thousand petal lotus. It also takes those times for us to stop and listen to what our heart is trying to tell us.

Such times tend to lead us toward greater opportunities and are meant for us to find what sets our souls on fire. It makes us ask questions like: What are my gifts and talents?What brings me joy? What excites me? What do I have the most fun doing? Where do I feel like I belong? What makes me come to life? What makes me feel like I am being of service? How can I serve? And, what is at the bottom of all these questions? It’s passion. Passion is what drives us to be the very best we can be. It’s our soul expressing itself through our intention. It’s that spark in our eyes, the skip in our step and the opportunities that allow us to shimmer and shine.

Unfortunately, there will be people in our lives who may attempt to extinguish our light as a result of their notions of what we “should” be doing. Other times, our internal dialogue will keep us from living our passion because of the stories we have created for ourselves. Part of the journey is looking at those stories as well as the situations and circumstances that have broken us open and ask ourselves, “What is this situation here to teach me?” I always say there are lessons and blessings to be found in each challenging moment. They may not look like what we may have imagined, but they are lessons nevertheless.

When we do what we are passionate about, our dreams, desires and successes come to fruition. We feel alive when we do what we love. We feel aligned, productive, and creative. We don’t feel like we are working. It feels more like fun!

If we aren’t having fun doing what we love, then we must examine our situation. We’ve all had experiences where the thought of going to work the next day was sickening. How about constantly getting sick on the job (and boy can I speak to that)!?!?! Or feeling like our life energy is slowly being drained from us? Is this a way to shower ourselves with love? Obviously not, but it certainly is a way to get our attention!

These situations allow us to determine what we are no longer willing to compromise. And it usually boils down to our health, well-being and quality of life. We cannot put a dollar amount on our mental, physical and spiritual well-being. What we can do, is live our passion – for it will most definitely lead us to our calling. It may not all happen at once but, taking the initial steps of determining and following what our hearts and souls are tugging at us to do, will always put us on the right path. We are telling the universe that we are ready!

For many of us, the second half of our lives presents us with the opportunity to do redefine ourselves and how we want to live out this time in our lives. Our life experiences and wisdom have brought us to a place where we no longer do anything we do not want to do. It’s a time where we want to focus more on being of service in ways that only we can do via our unique creative expression of who we are. It’s a time in our lives where we’ve learned what happens when we don’t take care of ourselves and the importance self-love, self-care and self-respect play in all facets of our existence.

So darlings, to keep us in a constant state of showering ourselves with love and affection, I leave you with another dose of Ten Thoughts on Whole Living. When we take the time to pause, breathe and shift some of our thoughts and actions, magic tends to happen!

  • Rather than muscle through your day, take a moment to breathe and go with the flow.
  • Personal growth is a winding path. Expect to revisit the same issues and the same mistakes.
  • Empower your decisions and your self-esteem by learning to say no.
  • Tune into your sense of smell. It connects you to your emotions and your health.
  • Surrender isn’t about giving up. It’s about letting go.
  • Listen to your body; it knows what it needs most.
  • Balance is self-improvement with self-acceptance.
  • Invest in your work space. Inspiration and fresh ideas bloom in a positive atmosphere.
  • Use your vacation as an opportunity to engage your creative side.
  • In everything you do, align your actions with your personal philosophy.

Here’s to keeping the passion and the magic flowing!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

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You’re Not Alone

“No amount of security is worth the suffering of a mediocre life chained to a routine that killed your dreams.” -Maya Mendoza

My previous blog, Relationships Expire, was geared towards friendships that sometimes need to be let go of due to the nature of the circumstances surrounding the friendship itself. While much of what I wrote about can most definitely be applied to romantic relationships, partnerships, unions and marriages as well, this particular blog will explore the excuses that we sometimes use as our reason for staying in a romantic relationship gone bad. Self-doubt, not wanting to be alone and not being able to make a decision – one way or the other –  are key factors that oftentimes keep us stuck.

When I was growing up, Mama would always remind me, “Para ester mal acompañada, mejor ester sola.” Translation: You are better off alone than in bad company.  Perhaps that is why I’ve always had the ability to recognize when a romantic relationship was no longer serving me OR the other person. I’ve never had a problem being alone. The reality is that sometimes we are the loneliest in a relationship. However, some of us prefer to stay in unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships. Why? Because we claim we don’t want to be alone.

Not wanting to be alone / lonely speaks volumes! If we don’t like our own company,  THAT is a problem right there. If we don’t learn how to be in relationship with ourselves, then we will never know how to be in relationship with another. If we can’t love ourselves enough to recognize and acknowledge our needs, how will anyone else do so? If we can’t feel secure on our own two feet, nothing another person does will give us that feeling of security. If we subject ourselves to another person’s alcohol abuse, drug abuse and domestic abuse, we will continue to attract such behaviors at the expense of our mental health and physical well-being. If we can’t dream and aspire to achieve our dreams, no one can do it for us. If we can’t be exceptional role models of what healthy relationships look like for our children, then who will?

Some of us are what I call “routine junkies.” It’s a comfort zone of sorts or may even be a coping mechanism. It’s like we are unable to freely function if we aren’t chained to a routine of some kind regardless of how destructive it may be. We will maintain a stronghold on that routine at all cost –  even if it robs us of our life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

Let me be clear here. There are definitely relationships worth getting in the ring for and doing the work for, and there are many resources and tools out there to help us do so. However, we must first be committed to working on the MOST important relationship of all – the one with ourselves. Only then are we able to come together, have unity of purpose and the skills needed to handle the inevitable conflicts and ups and downs of being in relationship with another person.

And just as there are people in beautiful, healthy, loving, productive and committed relationships for decades upon decades, there are those people who’ve been together just as long but for all the wrong reasons. These are the ones who’ve stayed way past the expiration date. Perhaps they have failed to see that the relationship / union / marriage has died? Do they stay because of the money? The children? The pets? The company? The convenience? The house?  Comfort? Guilt? Self-doubt? Complacency? Because of what others may “think?” How they will be “viewed?” Lack of drive or ambition? Lack of  self – respect / self- love? Fear of confrontation? Lack of skills? Lack of support? Lack of expectations? Inability to make a decision? Fear of starting over? Fear of the unknown? Fear of being alone? Just plain fear?

A long time ago, a psychologist recommended a wonderful book on relationships to me. She prefaced the recommendation by saying that, although the title had the word “marriage” in it, the book was a great tool for anyone fighting for or wanting to be in a healthy relationship. The book, Fighting for Your Marriage, is based on the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). The book is divided into 4 parts: Understanding the Risks on the Road to Lasting Love; Teaming Up to Handle Conflict; Enjoying Each Other; and Staying the Course. I found the book very helpful during a  time when I was in one of THE most challenging relationships of my life. It helped me to realize that we were both on two very different pages and stages of our lives.

Around the same time, I attended an Omega Conference and one of the keynote speakers was Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt. Together, they published a book, Getting the Love You Want. This book also has an accompanying workbook for couples. And like with many self-help books and programs, part of the work / success comes from examining our own issues, agendas, childhood, traumas and other stumbling blocks that keep us from getting the love we want – and so rightfully deserve. I have come to learn that if we do not have a healthy, loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves, there is no way we can reap the beauty of being in a healthy romantic relationship.

Another book that is a game changer, and one I have also passed on to others, is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, by Mira Kirshenbaum. If you are unsure as to whether you should remain in a romantic relationship or call it quits, this book is a step-by-step guide  that will help you make a decision and remove self-doubt from the equation. After all, self-doubt can sabotage the healthiest of relationships, never mind ones in disrepair. This isn’t a book that will tell you ways to fix a broken relationship; it is one that will help you choose whether to leave or stay in the relationship. The scenarios in the book cover just about every challenging issue you can think of and will guide you to make the best decision for yourself. Whichever decision you make, you will feel confident doing so. As one reviewer noted about the book, “A powerful self-help resource for anyone caught in a web of relationship distress.”  Hmmmm….I like that term, a web of relationship distress!

I think it’s safe to say we all enter relationships having certain expectations. However, times change and people do too. The more we evolve, grow and mature, the more we come to realize that some romantic relationships MUST have an expiration date. We can acknowledge and honor the fact that we came together for a purpose, we were each other’s teacher, we can identify the value we each added to the relationship yet know when to walk away……respectfully, wisely, compassionately, consciously and maybe even lovingly.

One thing to remember, is that you’re not alone in any of these scenarios. There are people in our lives who support us and have our back, tools to help us identify the root causes of our troubles, professionals that can guide us in working the work, practices that allow us to feel deeply rooted, stable, and supportive, and resources that we can turn to for inspiration, encouragement, motivation, wisdom and enlightenment. The key is tapping into these resources!

Darlings, happiness, joy and love are our birthright. Oftentimes, the only person keeping us from claiming them is ourselves. We don’t need to remain in a dead-end relationship  that is robbing us of these gifts. The choice is ours to make. It always comes down to choice making. The key is making the most evolutionary choice…..the one that will free us to fly, dream, soar, be happy, joyous, live fully, embrace our magnificence and, perhaps, even find love again!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

PS- During the month of February, I will be blogging on Sundays and Wednesdays only.

 

 

 

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Setting the Tone

“Because no matter how hard a conversation is, I know that on the other side of that difficult conversation lies peace. Knowledge. An answer is delivered. Character is revealed. Truces are formed. Misunderstandings resolved.”         Shonda Rhimes

Let’s face it – there are times to have conversations and definitely times NOT to have conversations. The key lies in knowing the circumstances that can resolve or sabotage a conversation. If a productive, respectful, dignified and heart to heart conversation is what we are looking for, then we must adhere to setting the tone for having them.

I’ve found the following guidelines I established for myself very helpful. I will admit though, it took me several years and many lessons before mastering the art of setting the tone. Hopefully, you can relate!

  1. We make bad decisions that result in poor judgement when we are tired / over-tired/ distracted / hungry. Do NOT have conversations under these circumstances!
  2. If we do not have time to talk, do NOT make a phone call, take a call, or return a call regardless of what the other person make think. What another person thinks of us is their business not ours!
  3. There are certain conversations, especially the ones dealing with our feelings, reflections and relationships that MUST be discussed in person and when we have created the time and space to do so – when we can sit across from the other person and speak from deep within our heart and soul. Just remember, the other person may need time to reflect on what was said before responding. We must honor that. Conscious communication at its best!
  4. A conversation with someone who is inebriated is pointless and a waste of time and energy because they are “handicapped.” A person under the influence can be irrational and perhaps even belligerent and mean. They probably won’t even remember what was said or deny ever having said / done anything. This one can be a little challenging. Sometimes ignoring the person works best – other times they may test our patience. It’s a tricky road to navigate. The best option is probably to be nowhere near this type of compromising situation to begin with. We should remove ourselves whenever possible. Boundaries!
  5. Act, don’t react. Pause. Create the space to let things BE. Take the time to think. adhere to the 48 hour rule before responding (especially if it’s something that pushed our buttons to the max). Everything is a process, and our process is as uniquely different as are the lessons we are each here to learn. The “process” needs time and space to evolve and unfold. While some of us are exceptional at communicating verbally, others communicate best in writing. Either way, honor the process!
  6. Some things are better left unsaid. Silence speaks in its own way. If there is something we feel we just need to get out, take the time to sit with it, write about it, get the feelings and the energy out, release them (burn them if you desire), and wait for the appropriate time to present itself. Hand it over to the Divine. When such time presents itself, what and how things need to be expressed and experienced just happen. Perfect synchronicity and divine intervention!
  7. Agreeing to disagree is oftentimes the best solution provided there is no animosity or sarcasm. At times, some conversations need to be re-visited at a later point in time. Let go and go with the flow!
  8. Lastly, it’s not what gets said, it’s how it gets said. We must speak our truth kindly, calmly and compassionately (and with a smile when needed). Keep it simple too. It’s all in the delivery!

Since we are all human, I’m sure we’ve all had our share of lessons when it comes to deciding when and how to have conversations. We all have our own styles of communicating, and that is something that took me years to learn. When I was much younger, I just assumed everyone was open, ready, willing and able to talk about anything, anytime and anywhere. Surprise, surprise…..Not so! It took a while, but I finally got it.

One thing I know for sure though is that peaceful, non-violent communication is the way to go, especially in today’s times. It  can resolve a lot of misunderstandings and allow us to attain deeper levels of understanding and enlightenment. If we all take the time to listen deeply and communicate consciously and peacefully, we can certainly shift the communication dynamic to one that resonates with our soul, raises our vibration and not diminishes it.

Good vibes, darlings!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC

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Live With Intention

“The number one principle that rules my life is intention. Thought by thought, choice by choice, we are co-creating our lives based on the energy of our intentions.”  -Oprah

 

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.

These words by Mary Ann Radmacher have been around for years and years. I’m sure you’ve seen them in print in one fashion or another. A very dear friend and soul sister of mine gifted me a framed copy of these very words in what seems like another lifetime ago. As a twenty-something year old, I thought it was such a cool gift, and I found myself wanting to live this way…..in my mind it screamed “wild and carefree.” What did I know back then?  My mindset at the time was that if you weren’t living life on the edge, then get the F^@& off because you were taking up too much space. Crazy!

However, at this  point in my life, the words have taken on a different meaning and purpose. The carefree, throw all caution to the wind, twenty something in me didn’t examine the deeper truths behind the words as the wild and free fifty-something in me now does. The title in itself, Live with Intention, says it all. Anything we do with intention is pleasurable to the mind, body and soul. And let’s not forget how powerful it is to live from that space! Over the years, and throughout my many moves, this is one piece of art that has stayed with me. I’ve always hung it where it is visible, and I can see it every day. It’s a reminder to do each and every thing with purpose, meaning, mindfully, deliberately, and intentionally…like a sacred offering.

Hmmmmm…Upon further scrutiny, I wonder why the author didn’t add one or two more lines? I would have added Be grateful, and my last line would have been Love. Nevertheless, each line in this piece contains the wisdom of the ages and conjures up all sorts of images – of things I want to do, how to do them and with whom I want to do them in 2018. What images or thoughts come up for you?

There is always room in our day for contemplation, exploration, growth, expansion, discernment, seeking out deeper truths, widening our horizons, stepping out of our comfort zone, shifting our perspective, and changing things that need changing. Oh, and let’s not forget living fully alive! It all starts with our choices, willingness and intention to do so. It’s called living an examined life. And there’s nothing more beautiful than doing just that. In my mind’s eye, I call it Living with Intention. When we live with intention, we are in perfect harmony…mind, body and soul. Life just flows seamlessly thereafter. It doesn’t get any sweeter than that, darlings!

The inspiration for this piece came from two places and almost back to back. In a new year’s day yoga class, we were asked to think about how we want to live in 2018. A short time later, one of my Lovelies asked our group what was our one powerful word for 2018. Our answers were Discipline, Intention, Aspire, Surrender, Fearless, Purpose, and Simplicity. By now I am sure you’ve figured out which word was mine….wink, wink. Do you have a powerful word for 2018?

This is a nice activity to do with our students, children, family members, friends and loved ones. If we put up the word(s) somewhere visible, it can serve as a gauge for us throughout the days, weeks and months to come. As we glance at the word, we can pause and take a moment to check in with our heart, mind, body and soul and see how we are doing. It’s also a good way to set the stage for young ones to learn to live with intention. Having conversations about their words also teaches them a little about accountability and power. If you ask me, we can all use a little accountability, as well as fun. What can I say? I just love activities!

Carry on, darlings!

Inhale love & light…Exhale grace & gratitude, JTC