The Never Enough Problem

“Give thanks for everything that you are and everything that you have- that’s the first step toward discarding a scarcity mentality.” -Wayne Dyer

The above quote is from the Wayne Dyer calendar that my dear girlfriend and soul sister, Maureen, gave me for Christmas. I love all things Wayne Dyer! I love lighting my morning candle that sits on my altar and tearing the page to see that day’s quote. It’s become a morning ritual as I take a few deep breaths and let the message land.

It just so happens that I had just started reading Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, and the first chapter is on scarcity. And at breakfast with some of my yoga sisters, we were talking about abundance vs. attachment to money and the times we’ve worried about “not having enough.” Talk about synchronicity! Right then and there I knew I had to write a blog on this unfortunate epidemic that seems to get more and more prevalent in our culture. As Ms. Brown notes in the book, “Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.” 

Wow! When I read that line I paused. Whew… how true! There are three components that she attributes as the source of scarcity, but more on that later. First, I want to give you a little food for thought via a section of Lynne Twist’s book, The Soul of Money, which Ms. Brown shared in her book:

For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of…Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of lack…This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, lives at the very heart of our jealousies, our greed, our prejudice, and our arguments with life.

I saw Lynne Twist on an episode of Super Soul Sunday where she was talking about the aforementioned bookSome of the things she spoke about really stuck with me. She stated that when we live in a “not enough” mentality, every aspect of our lives play into a toxic myth of scarcity, and then it results into a deficient relationship with ourselves. She further went on to say that, if we buy into it, we create it and end up accumulating more than we need for fear of not having enough. The end result is that we succumb to the three toxics myths: there’s not enough; more is better; it’s just the way it is and there’s nothing we can do about it.

According to Ms. Twist, the flip side of the scarcity mentality is that we learn to let go of the chase, addiction, and pathology which is part of the culture we live in and instead nourish, love and share what we already have. When we do so, what we already have expands. As we learn to shift our mentality, we learn the power of true prosperity- sharing, serving and contributing. We yearn to make a difference in our lives.

I don’t know about you, but there was a time in my life where it was my norm to operate from a place of  lack and not having enough. Can you relate? And let’s face it, social media has only exacerbated this problem for many of us. Studies have shown that more and more people and children of all ages feel depressed, inadequate and “not good enough” as a result of this illusion of “perfection” that people on social media put out there. It’s a dynamic that is playing out on all levels of our society and culture. How exhausting!!!

And exhausted was precisely how I felt many years ago! That is, until I started cultivating the wonderful and magical practice of gratitude. The more I read about gratitude and how it rewires our brains and makes new connections, the lighter, happier, fulfilled and peaceful I felt. The more I approached life from a place of abundance, as opposed to a place of lack, the more that showed up.

It’s been my experience that operating from a place of scarcity just perpetuates more of that in our lives. Conversely, the more we operate from a place of gratitude, love, wealth and abundance, and keep that circulating in our lives, more of it shows up. The key, I’ve found, is to take a moment to pause and notice when, and how, love, wealth and abundance show up and express thanks. Darlings, gratitude is a beautiful and life-altering thing!

It also helps to surround ourselves with”like-minded” people who also operate from this point of view. The moment we change or alter our perspective or, as our beloved Wayne Dyer used to say, “Change the way you look at things at the things you look at change,” things can’t help but to change. You can take that to the bank! As with all things change-related, it all starts with choices.

We have the power to choose. We must be discerning, methodical and mindful of our thoughts and how they relate to our choices and our soul’s purpose. And, as we make different choices, we start to reshape our lives, the lives of people around us and the different groups we belong to.

The beauty in it is that, once we are on the other side of the scarcity mentality, the more peaceful and fulfilled we feel. We become even more grounded and grateful when we see ourselves in others as their lives play out in the unhealthy ways ours used to. And to think of how fatiguing it all is! We can relax in the knowingness that there is always enough. We can put down the shame, the comparison and the disengagement that perpetuates the never enough problem. By the way, shame, comparison and disengagement are the three components of scarcity Brené Brown refers to.

Here’s are some of  Lynne Twist’s words I jotted down from the Super Soul Episode that will hopefully resonate for all of us or, at best, get us  thinking more deeply on the subject of scarcity, not having enough and our attachment to money:

“The yearning to make a difference in life is what everyone wants. Money flows, just like water…and when you hold on to it, it stagnates and becomes toxic. Let it carry our intent, our love…direct the flow with soulful purpose and you will feel vibrant and alive. It’s an expression of who you are: True Prosperity.”

By looking at all our bountiful blessings, celebrating them, identifying our accomplishments, the gifts of our friendships, the love of our friends and family, the generosity of spirit of others as well as ourselves, the beauty of nature and the presence of our pets, the amazing organizing power of our universe and the cosmos, being aware  and expressing thanks for the myriad and divine ways love, wealth and abundance show up in our lives, we cannot help but to feel “full” and prosperous. We cannot help but to share our True Prosperity with others in both minute and magnificent ways. This, my darlings, is when we truly experience the “great fullness” of our lives.

What do you say we all commit to banishing the never enough problem from our lives? Let’s all free ourselves with healthy doses of love, gratitude and service and watch what we appreciate, appreciate!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC

The Art of Gratitude

“Sometimes we’re so busy chasing all the things we haven’t got that we forget to notice all the things we already have, the people in our lives and the fortunate circumstances in which we live.”

One of my earlier blogs, Rise and Shine…An Attitude of Gratitude, talked about how my gratitude practice came to be and the important part gratitude plays in my life. It’s my mainstay, my manifesto for living, my therapist, my guide and my fundamental source of joy.

I can’t say I would be the person I am today if I didn’t have a formal gratitude practice. I’ve relied on this practice to get me through some of the darkest and most difficult times of my life. Gratitude sets things straight for me, clears my head, re-centers me when needed, gives me an attitude adjustment and allows me to live a full, joyful, peaceful, meaningful and purposeful life. Without a gratitude practice I, too, may have slipped into the dark world of depression like so many of my family members and members of society.

Being a self-proclaimed gratitude junkie has its benefits. How so? Well, I’ve been in the dark, have had troubled times, been broken open and broken down, at times didn’t know how I’d take the next step (literally and figuratively), been surrounded by death and losses and torn apart by life circumstance…..like we all have been subjected to in life. However, the art of finding gratitude in those moments has always been a game changer.  In addition, I am able to commiserate and understand how we all get knocked down and find it difficult to get back up because I’ve lived it and have shared in the pain we all feel during such times. These experiences allow me to speak from experience and, more importantly, from the heart.

We all come across people who sometimes are in such a troubled or sorrowful state that they can’t seem to fight their way out of a paper bag. I’ve actually had people say that they have a hard time finding one thing for which they can be grateful. This I find hard to believe, but sadly there are troubled souls like this out there. Can you relate? Perhaps you’ve been there? Like I said, I think we’ve all been there in varying degrees. Perhaps you find yourself currently taking up residency in this state? Perhaps you are in a perpetual state of loss, grief, or darkness? Perhaps you don’t know how you’re going to get through the next hour or the day?

What we all must tap into is the knowingness that our nervous system can NOT be happy and sad at the same time. All it takes is a few seconds of identifying something we are grateful for, and our nervous systems shifts. We feel lighter, happier, and more hopeful. The more we do this practice and make it a routine, make it our default setting and our modus operandi, the more we will experience unimaginable shifts in our psyches, in our bodies and in our hearts.

It’s common for me to have numerous books and journals containing writing prompts on the subject of gratitude. So on this beautiful, first day in July, a sunny Sunday morning where the birds are chirping outside my window in the early morning stillness, I will share with you some prompts that will help you to keep your gratitude flowing.

The first one is more of an exercise and is especially useful if you do not have a gratitude practice. My intent is to list a month’s worth of prompts to set you on your way. While some of these require some thought, there may be days you’re just not into digging so deeply, so you can simply start with “I am grateful for” and list 2-3 things. By all means this is more than enough! You are more than enough. Now that is even a good place to start!

  1. Start by listing everything you are grateful for. List the big things, the little things, and everything in between. Write until you can think of anything else. And then write some more. This will kick off your gratitude practice and help you see just how much you have to be grateful for.
  2. What is one aspect of your daily life that you don’t always take time to appreciate, but that you’re actually grateful for?
  3. What are some of the things that are constants in your life – things that you’ll always find comfort in, things that you can always be grateful for?
  4. What is  one thing your parents taught you that you are grateful for?
  5. What are three of your physical characteristics that you are grateful for?
  6. What are three of your personality traits you are grateful for?
  7. What are three personality traits that you are grateful for in others?
  8. Write about one person who has taught you the most. What did they teach you and why are you grateful to have learned from them?
  9. What is one thing in nature that you are grateful for? What is something you can do to show your gratitude for this?
  10. Who is one person who is grateful for you? What have you done to make their life better?
  11. What are three things you are truly grateful for about your job (or hobby if you aren’t currently employed)?
  12. Do you have a spiritual practice that you are grateful for? What does it mean to you?
  13. Write about one book that you are especially grateful for. How has reading it changed you? If you could thank the author, what would you say?
  14. What is one talent that you possess that you’re extremely grateful for?
  15. What are you most grateful for about your home? What do you appreciate most about living there?
  16. Why are you grateful to have been born during this time?
  17. Who is a person or group of people from the past you’re grateful for? Why? What about them do you most appreciate?
  18. Write about something that has changed over the course of history that you are grateful for?
  19. We all make choices every day in our lives. Which choices have you made that you are the most grateful for?
  20. What is one thing your body can do that you are grateful for?
  21. What are you most grateful for about all the latest advances in technology?
  22. What animal are you especially grateful for? How do they make your life better?
  23. What music are you the most grateful for? Is there a song or musician who inspires you?
  24. Write one thing for each of your five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) that you’re grateful for
  25. What is one way you’ve changed that you’re grateful for?
  26. What are you grateful for about the country you live in? What are you grateful for about the specific part of the country you live in?
  27. What is one surprise you’ve experienced that you were (and are) grateful for?
  28. Have you ever been helped by a stranger? If you could tell them how grateful you are for them, what would you say?
  29. If there’s anyone who you generally dislike, what is something about them that you’re grateful for?
  30. What is the most empowering thing you’ve ever done? What about this experience are you grateful for?
  31. When you look back on your life thus far, what are you the most grateful for?

Darlings, may you find gratitude in the littlest of things, as well as the biggest of things,  and may you be inspired to commit to a daily gratitude practice. If you already have one, as I do, may we find ways to deepen the practice and enrich each other’s lives!

Inhale Love & Light…Exhale Grace & Gratitude, JTC